If you have faith...

as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the mountain "move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matt 17:20

This verse came into my mind last night at about 12:20 am. Mind you I RARELY wake up in the middle of the night. I am blessed that once I am asleep, I am asleep. However last night Reese woke up with a leg cramp (oh no growing pains!). I got up and gave her some Motrin and laid in her bed to rub her legs. She was miserable and crying and moving and just in pain. I was rubbing her calves and praying it would ease. Suddenly she leans over, gives me a big hug and says "Thank you God." I didn't say anything back and she said, "The cramp is gone, goodnight." She rolled over and went back to sleep. I on the other hand laid in her bed hearing those words "Thank you God" over and over. And I kept hearing Matthew 17:20 (mind you I had to look up the scripture reference but knew the verse).

So today I ask, why IF we claim to have faith (even faith only as small as  mustard seed) do we still fight God so hard? Why don't we let Him change our lives? From the lyrics of Rich Mullins why would "I rather fight You for something I don't really want, then take what You give and I need?"

Really just a rhetorical question I guess. Just on my mind this AM and felt the need to blog about it.

What if IT changed your life? What are we so afraid of?

The same old question

So why am I up blogging at almost midnight. Well several reasons but the biggest is driving home the few miles tonight after helping a friend out and reading 2 great books while I was there, I keep thinking "What if...." So there you go the same old question.

What if it DID change your life? What if the change was greater than anything you could ever imagine or dream of? What if the cost seemed great but you realized the reward was even greater? What if caused you to re think every action of every day and turn your focus upward instead of inward? How free would you be to live when you let go?

Keep thinking...

24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. 25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. 26 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:24-26).

Really what do you have to lose? When you wake up one day and realize life is really lived to the fullest when you let go of yourself, how can you still hold on? If brokenness is defined as coming to the end of oneself then what's there when you get to the end of you? What if it was God? What if it was Jesus' unconditional love?

What if it changed your life? Ask me about how it's changed mine.

Great night.

Peace

Peace.

Simple little 5 letter word has me blogging this AM. Up before 5 am, who'd have ever believed that! (and Mom it was without a fight and only one of the 4 alarms went off... yes I set four! LOL!!).

So what does peace mean? Wikipedia says "Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Being "at peace" is considered by many to be healthy homeostasis and the opposite of being stressed or anxious."

So let me make a list here, in the last 2 1/2 years I've:
1) Moved too many times to count usually with a pack the whole house and move more than 5 hours one direction
2) Returned to work after being a stay at home mom, only to be driving all over 3 counties and then jumped ship and took a huge guaranteed pay cut and really uncertainty in hours
3) Grew and then gave birth to my sweet little curly haired youngest daughter
4) Discovered my marriage voes were a lie, confronted my now ex husband about it, only to then ask him to man up with God or move out and 18 months later and divorce was final 6 months later
5)  I am now a single mom, with three jobs... I'm mom, dad and I have paid employment

Ok so I think those are the major stresses in my life. But the odd thing is I sit here with the truest, deepest peace I've ever known. I get Phil 4:7 when Paul says "And the peace of God, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING,..." There is only one explanation... I sit here with the Jesus Christ at the center of my life, acknowledging that He controls my future and when I seek Him, He promises to "prosper and not harm" me and to give me "hope and a future." So with my eyes fixed on how this story ends (I'm standing before my King, with the only acceptable representation Jesus Christ standing next to me and He knows my name!!!) I can get out of bed each day, face it head on, and have peace that even I can't explain.

And therefore I blog this AM about that simple 5 letter word. Peace is 100% crazy love (stole from Frances Chan), obedience and passion for our God. Peace that is indescribable comes through knowing Jesus Christ, knowing Him intimately, acknowledging Him daily with each breathe He gives.

My pastor challenges the church body to read His word individually and to know what it says for yourself. His challenge is 5 min a day for 7 days... let's just say I get up at 4:45 am now because I need and have a passion to be in His word for much longer than that. Anyway... I took that challenge late January 2010 really as a skeptic. I mean I knew God, I believed in Jesus but I had no idea of the life changing effect His living word would have in my life. Peace.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not LET your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (words spoken by Jesus).

So once again I close with "What if it changed your life?" But today I'll also ask... Do you know Him? Do you live each breath that He gives for Him? Do your actions, your thoughts, your attitudes, your service honor Him? If you know Him do you really acknowledge Him in your daily life? What if it changed your life?

And you could probably answer that for me without a closing but for those who might be reading this for the first time I'll answer with, "He (the Prince of Peace) has changed mine."

Courage is fear that has said its prayers. God

Randomly opened up my little "God Speaks Devotional" book this AM and that title was the page I opened up to. Then went to check on any updates on Kenna Emmons (my girl's 8 year old second cousin who has Combined Immune Deficiency and had a bone marrow transplant. She is not fighting graft versus host disease (GVH) and the road has been rough to say the least. Reading through some of her mom's updates I realized Kenna is the the face of courage that knows God and has said her prayers.

How many of you reading this sit today worried about your life and death physical health? Not many.

How many of you reading this sit today worried about what you'll eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner tonight? Not Many (Maybe it's not what you want but most certainly you'll have something to fill your stomach)

How many of you reading this sit today worried about protecting your family from the elements? Not many (because even if you lost the house you live in now, you'd go somewhere to a safe and secure shelter of some sort)

I guess my point in blogging this AM is this... we sit blessed beyond what we could ever even imagine but yet I'm not sure sometimes that what we often see as blessings don't also hinder our growth in Him. I think often the "comforts of this world" leave us too comfortable, too unwilling to step out in faith, with our fears wrapped in prayer, to really live this life.

I believe now is the time to start taking those steps. Read a little wall sign the other day and should go back and buy it to hang above my computer as a reminder it said "Faith: Start where you are and take the next step." Faith doesn't always have to be this giant leap into the depths of the unknown (though sometimes you might be called to do such a thing), sometimes it is simply being willing to take those small steps that in the end add up and put you right where God wants you. And when you wake up one day and realize you are resting with peace in His arms, you fill find that courage really is fear that's said it's prayers.

Go ahead... what do you have to lose? What if it changed your life?

And I think you know my answer :)

Be here, now!!

What if...

So this blog came about because of a ton of "What if" questions that would swirl around my mind as I was driving, any time I was alone actually. About the same time was reading a book recommended by a friend (Thanks S.M.) called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. I couldn't put it down. And I thought "What if it changed your life?" What if...

So this many months later I just finished rereading this book again. And I find myself in the dark of my sisters office on an old and slow IBM laptop asking "What if it changed your life?" I mean really. What if it did? What if we quiet holding on to the things of this world that mean absolutely nothing? That tomorrow could be gone? Heck forget about tomorrow what if they were gone 5 minutes from now? What am I talking about... I'm talking about 'things', possessions, fears, relationships, fill in the blank.

This entire blog has been a journey for me. I woke up one day both literally and figuratively and my eyes were wide open to the reality that "but if all that we do is absent of Jesus, then this so called love is simply in vain" (Mercy Me song BTW). Just recently heard that song but that was what was going through my head. What is this life about? Why are we here? What if we started living like eternity mattered? What if we started living like the "things" we collect on Earth is nothing compared to our rewards in heaven. What if we actually believed in our God who loves us so much he sent his son and that belief in turn motivated our actions and our daily lives?

I'm not saying that the things of this world are useless or all bad. I'm just saying what if instead of our focus being on those things, and our focus being trying to keep up with the Jones' and trying to impress people we don't even know, we really began living with a humble attempt at doing what Jesus says "Love the Lord God with all your heart.... and love your neighbor as yourself"?

What if we acknowledged our faults, quit trying to hide our sins, and showed the world through our lives that the love of God does really set us free, that a love so amazing we can't even begin to comprehend it? What if...

Ugh... could go on all night I think. I normally sleep great, bed heaven was by far in my life one of my best purchases of "things" ever :) (FYI... bed heaven is my name for the TemperPedic bed I bought with college graduation money... no fancy vacation for me, nope a new bed... hahaha!) However tonight I'm out of town and not in bed heaven. I'm thinking there is a big possibility that I'll toss and turn all night because this is on my mind and in my heart. Actually, I'll go to bed with peace. I will pray that those that read this will be moved, moved to live the life they are called to live in the SON! I will pray for God's peace that has been daily evident in my life in the last 2 1/2 years to allow me to sleep peacefully tonight. I want to change the world, I want to shake the world by it's collar and say "Jesus Saves!!"

But for now my audience is you, so I ask....

What if changed your life?

And once again I'll answer "HE has changed mine." HE is a living God. HE is the reason we have breathe, HE is the one I will stand before someday and give an account to. HE thankfully sent His Son to stand with me and HE knows my name.

Heard a youth pastor pray one night and he just said, "Passion or burn." I'm stealing that line tonight. My choice is passion and there is nothing that can stop it.

Focus

That title made me laugh. I am a very motor driven person and focus is sometimes difficult for me to achieve without some type of motor involvement. Therefore, when needing to sit and listen I am usually chewing gum, gummy candy or playing with my pen or some other type of hand fidget. In addition I must need lots of proprioceptive (joint compression) input because I'm always shifting in my chair, maybe it's the motor not the proprioception??

See what I mean... Focus is the topic and I cant' even get the first sentence typed without losing focus.

At a DivorceCare group tonight and reminded about Jesus walking on water (yes again)! In Matthew 14:22 and following the scene goes like this. Jesus walks on the water out to the boat. Peter almost challenges Jesus and says "If it's you Lord tell me to come." Well Jesus says just that, "Come." And Peter focused on Jesus begins to walk towards him. Then Peter loses focuses and the scripture says that as Peter began to sink he cried out "Lord save me!"

Got to thinking tonight and have been thinking about this actually for several months... why do we wait when Jesus says "Come." And then why when we lose focus are we so hesitant to just cry out "Lord save me!"??

Just where my brain is tonight.

So I ask, "What if it changed your life?"

Don't say no one ever told you...

...because maybe you just didn't listen or were not able to hear.

OK so this AM on Facebook I felt compelled to post "Why didn't someone tell me about this sooner?" That prompted a few comments, texts and messages about "Tell you what?" Wasn't exactly sure what I was talking about when I posted that other than the fact that life can really be much "easier and lighter" than we attempt to make it.

I have spent years, 36 in 2 days so probably 25+ years of my life, attempting to be in control of it. Too much has happened in my life from an early age that was sooo completely out of my control I fought hard to keep the little bit I held onto so dearly under my control. There were times in my past I was convinced I was in control. I made the choices, I made the plans, I dreamed the dreams, I thought I had it all under control. Then one day you wake up and realize that was such a big fat lie, you have never had one lick of control, just perceived control. I spent soooo much energy and time fighting hard for "Something I don't really want then take what you give and I need" (yes, surprise, surprise... song lyrics).

So I'm prompted to say on Facebook this AM "Why didn't someone tell me about this sooner?" only to answer my own question with "someone probably did and you were not able or ready to listen and hear."

But tonight I type this and can say I hear it now. God is, was and will continue to be in control. Total submission to His will is so freaking freeing and you really can trade your heavy burden for easy and light. He really will direct your paths and He really will never leave you or forsake you. From today forward, believe that Christ died for you, ask Him sincerely to be your personal savior, and then hold on tight for the ride of your life. You will change, how much depends on how willing you are to submit (gosh said that word 2 times, and yet the world sees submission as powerless and I find it being so powerful?!) Note: Check out the Frances Chan balance beam YouTube video posted previously

I don't know. I could yell at you, whisper it softly, write you a letter, text or e-mail and you might not be at a place of really being able to hear the message. It really is The GOOD NEWS, Christ died for me and you. He is everything and enough.When push comes to shove and this life ends all that matters, when you die and stand before the King is does His one and only son Jesus know your name? Nothing else matters... not relationships, not kinship, not possessions, not job titles, not how much money we made, not skills we were so proud of, nothing else matters.

So I guess I'll close tonight with a link to a page that talks about salvation, what it is, and how to receive it. It's free, God offers it to all, some hear, some believe and some are changed for ever.

http://www.gotquestions.org/Romans-road-salvation.html

What if it changed your life? Are you willing to give it all up to hear, believe and be forever changed? Are you willing to find that letting go let's you really come alive(yes another song:)? Are you willing to stop fighting for what you don't really need and accept what is given freely? 

P.S. Now you can't say why didn't someone tell me sooner :)

Love your neighbor as yourself....

OK if I could this AM I'd grab you by your shirt collar and if you aren't that much bigger than me I'd shake your shoulders and say "Do you get it?" What's the it you ask? Let me try to answer...

All day yesterday, last night and now this AM I just keep having the same thing running through my head. And it's not just a random thought, it's passion, it's consuming me. It's when Jesus gives us the greatest commandments in Matt 22:37-40 and says the greatest is to love the Lord your God and the second is to love our neighbor as ourselves. Wait? When did "love ourselves" come in first place? When did we start thinking outside of self and realizing that we aren't in our own little worlds?

This song was streaming on my alarm when I woke up this AM?? See the thought won't go away!? Setting my alarm "So Long Self" by Mercy Me was on?!

So yesterday I'm thinking how come we drive by "that house" day in and day out of our neighbor not even sure what they look like, certainly don't know their names, and yet grumble under our breathe that their yard isn't mowed. When if we took the time to say hello we'd realize it's a single mom, raising 3 kids on her own, working 2 jobs, and her dad just came to live with her on hospice (hypothetical situation, I'm just sayin'). We can make excuses and say "Oh I am sooooo busy. Oh I have this that and the other commitments." I say hogwash. Did you notice the I in those sentences, we are back to self.

Sometimes in life when we see activities, entertainments and the like as being lost we feel like we won't be enjoying life to the fullest. Heaven forbid we wouldn't have the newest, nicest flat screen TV on the block, or that our car might have some scratches on the hood and a dent in the fender, or that our kids might take one season off from their 5th sport of the year?? I'm not calling any of that bad I'm just thinking it completely takes us away from those 2 commandments in Matthew 22. We allow those things to completely consume OUR lives and then we are left just rushing around, forgetting Matthew 22.

Oh and I'm the first to admit I am a sinner and guilty as any of putting self first. Just something to think about as you go about your day. What might it be? Maybe it's as simple as pulling your neighbors trashcans in for them? Maybe it's mowing their yard without even asking, just because it needs it and really it only takes like an extra 15 minutes? Maybe it's bigger... maybe it's paying for someones groceries a the store? Maybe it's even bigger like taking a day off from the sports field and serving others in some capacity?  I don't know.

But what if IT changed your life? Let me know how it goes because I'll close with IT has changed mine :)

Be here, now!

You can have me....

Woke up this AM to KLOVE streaming and the DJ mentioned that they had some thing on their website where you could submit the story behind a song that really touched your life or just meant a lot to you. Hmmm... I thought that's almost every song I hear :) Music moves me deeply, I really listen to the lyrics and it just moves me deeply.

So all day while running this AM, cleaning up my own garage, and then helping a friend's sister move that question of what song keeps going through my mind. I rarely think that much before I blog. I usually just sit down and start typing.

So right now it's the above song by Sidewalk Prophets "You Can Have Me".

Why? Let me see if I can share that answer, share my passion.

Almost exactly 2 1/2 years ago I realized my life as I knew it was forever changed. I knew all I had imagined it would be was going to change. Little did I know it would take another 18 months for me to be bold enough to stand on the promises of God and not settle for a life of less than He promises. Little did I know that in that 2 1/2 year time almost everything in my life would change, and change dramatically, and as I sit just 5 days from my 36th birthday that amongst so much change and uncertainty sit so at peace, so loved, so sure of my place in this world.

So that sounds a little bit like a canned answer to "I've found Jesus." But it's real, it's the truth, it's my passion. 2 1/2 years ago I literally fell on my knees in my dining room and prayed to the God I knew growing up and offered all of myself to Him. Nothing about my situation made any sense, the only sense was that God was bigger, stronger and in control and He would complete a good work in me. At that moment all I had to offer was my life, my very existence, each breathe I take.

So fast forward 18-20 months and again my entire life is still changing and going in directions I'd have never imagined.

Sidetrack: Running this AM with a friend I don't ever know the route. She tells me the approximate distance and then I just follow her. Near the end of the run I thought I saw a stop sign that would cross the major street to where her house sits on the corner. It was a ways off but I thought, good we are almost there. Then after we run another 1/2 block she says "Turn here." I didn't but wanted to say "What? Why? The end is so close... this detour was not in my plans!" But remember I don't know the route. I know we'll end up at her house though. So we turn and wind down this street and turn again only to then see her house. That route was shorter/easier and was actually the way we needed to go. So why am I chasing this rabbit?? I realized today on that run that often that's exactly what happens in our life. We know the ending, and we think we know the path, then God says "wait, turn here!" We resist, we hesitate, we try to plan, we analyze, etc, etc, etc. But in the end if we keep going the way we think we should we don't end up where God wants us. It's when we drop all of our preconceived notions and best drafted plans and dreams that we realize God's way is the only way.

So back to where I was... 18 - 20 months pass and my life is still changing... marital status changes, major job changes, family dynamic changes you name it its changing. I read a book by Brennan Manning and it simply says "Be here, now." Really all I have to do for God is "Be here, now." I can't change my past and worrying about the future does nothing productive. All I can do is give Him all of my life right now, these breathes? Sounds easy enough. And I found that when I actually let go, when I started reading His word 5-10 minutes a day, when I started praying and seeking His way, the path as been so much clearer. My perspective has changed, my motives have changed, my desires have changed, my life has changed more dramatically then the things I thought were causing so much change in my world.

So my answer... if you are still reading. This song sums it up. "I will love you enough to let go. Lord I'll give you my life. I'll give you my life. When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming? Forgetting what the world has told me. Well Father of love you can have me, you can have me. I want be where you are. I'm running into your arms. And I will never look back, no. So Jesus here is my heart. Yay... When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming? Forgetting what the world has told me. Father of love you can have me."

I ask again "What if IT changed your life?" What if...

Be here, now.

Randomness

Haven't blogged in awhile so my brain is getting backed up with randomness. So bare with me.

First Jesus said, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." John 5:8... I love that Jesus is so simple and so direct in his directions. Others include "come" or "Believe." We try to take what He says and warp it into a million other things, things we have to do in order to be saved, in order to do before we live for Him. But He wants us here, He wants us now.

Natalie Grant song "Better Hands Now"... "It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down..." That summarizes my life in the last few years. Listen to the words, read the lyrics. When you choose to follow Him and realize you don't have to live another day as the world defines, you realize you are held and yet at the same time so free. You realize when the rain is pouring down, the SON is shining."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q27mNc9sE_I

Gotta run... not literally just figuratively :) 

Walking through...

2 more days of double facilities and maybe I can breathe again. It's a donut Thursday for this house so have a minute this AM.

Just was thinking this AM and wanted to share... the Bible says "Even thought I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death..." It just hit me, it doesn't say camp out and live there forever, it says through.

Short and sweet, whatever valley you find yourself in today, it's just a time of passing through. Learn what is being revealed to you, believe God is still right there with you, and keep on. The view from the top is magnificant!

And was thinking should change the title of the blog to "What if WE LET it change our lives?" Why do we fight so hard for things of this world that do not mean a single thing in eternity and then also fight so hard against the things that matter so greatly in eternity??

Be here, now!

Dying...

Conversation today with a typical cooperative, good humored resident who always greets we with a "well I can't say I'm glad to see you" or "I was doing good until right now." It's all in good humor and like said typically cooperative and delightful.

The scene... Said patient is sitting in the activity room with eyes closed. I walk in and put my hand on one shoulder and kind of pat gently.

I say "Good Morning Patient. How are you today?"

Patient opens eyes and replies, "Dying."

I ask, "Did you say fine?"

Patient looks me in the eyes and says, "No, dying."

I say, "Let me go talk to the nurses."

Before I could get out the door I had tears running down my cheeks.

My question tonight is, aren't we all? Aren't we all dying? So then what did you do today that changed your life forever?

Be here, now!

(Answer: Too bad I can't put it in small font upside down! Every breathe you took today, every action, reaction, feeling and decision changed your life forever. The good, the bad, the indifferent it all changed your life forever)

What if He changed your life?

Grace Like rain...

Just had to post tonight. It's rained ALL day. Ok most of the day. I did get a 30 minute run in before it was raining and the air was thick and the clouds were thin, music was good and the stars were gorgeous :)

So whenever it rains all I can think of this song and the line "Grace like rain falls down on me..." The last night I heard this song was the night before June 15, 2010, the day my divorce was final. So that AM I wake up in a fog as I had wrestled and fought with God, pleaded, begged even that it wasn't for real the whole day and night before. Well it was real.

Went through the motions of the AM and got in my car. As I headed towards Dublin the darkest clouds ever rolled in and before I was at work it was pouring rain. Rained while I was at work and by the time I was at the courthouse in town by 9:30 (I believe) still raining. Go to court with this odd peace, this odd pressence with me as I sat as little Alisa alone at my own attorney table. It was done. What I thought would be forever was no more.

But it's no longer raining when I step out of the courthouse.

As I drive on 377 towards Granbury I remember pulling over and texting a friend to say "I just left behind the darkest clouds and rain but am driving into the most beautiful blue sky with fluffly white clouds." He texted back, "Do not LET your hearts be troubled..." I had read the same thing the night before and in John 14:27 "Peace I leave you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

The image was humbling. God's grace like rain falling down on me, little ole me who couldn't even make a marriage last. He still loved me, He still cared enough to let me know it would be alright. I cried as we drove towards Fort Worth but not tears of sorrow, tears of awe and peace. And I've never looked back to those dark clouds. Ok maybe I've glanced in the rear view mirror a time or two but it doesn't take me much to refocus on God and His awesome plans for me to know that it's going to be all right. Jesus just says "Come" to Peter out on the lake and when Peter looked in the rearview mirror so to say he simply cried "Lord save me." And He did. Wow!!

So why am I posting this tonight. Don't really know. Makes me think of a song "I'm not trying to be something I'm not. This is all I've got. I wear it on my sleeve." I guess all I have as a witness to the world is my past and what Jesus has done in my today to help me overcome it. And I pray each night that as much of a future as He gives me I will use each breathe to glorify Him. Someone needed to read this, or maybe I just needed to type it.

I ask yet again as I do with each closing... What if it changed your life? And I answer yet again today He has changed mine.

Great Night, take a minute to listen to the rain and remember... "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but about learning to dance in the rain!" I hope you dance!!

All Along...

Something happens inside of you when you wake up one day (Ok maybe it takes waking up lots of days before it sinks in??) and realize God IS love and all along He's been right in front of you. Not sure where this entry is going. This song says it all... "All along I was searching for somethine more, you're so much more." You will never find anything in this world to complete you. You will never find anything in this world that makes you whole. You have to give all your weaknesses, all your blemishes, all your rotten past mistakes, all the sins of tomorrow, ALL of it to Him.

On FB a friend has been posting verses from 1 Corinthians 13 about love. Why today at 35 it hit be (though glad today not tomorrow :) but God IS love. Given my history reading "Love never fails" in verse 8 and "but the greatest of these is love" verse 13 just would make me sad, mad, and disappointed. Love does fail, and if love is all I have left then crap my cup is empty? But wait. God IS love (see the imaginary 2x4 God keeps smacking me upside the head with lately :). You might be like me thinking Ok sure He is but He's still failed me and still not been there when I need Him. That's a lie of this world. I can sit here with a MAJOR history for of failed love from the world's perspective and thinking all love is gone and tell you God IS love! In what seems like it should me a very deep and long valley for me I see light, I feel love, I have peace and I know strength that I can not explain. I don't want to camp in this valley but it is this valley that has taught me SOOOO much. And I type today humbled that God still cares enough about me to show me His love and teach me His ways. (John 14:27)

Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."

If I could shake your shoulders and you could see the tears in my eyes you might understand the passion in my heart about this. If you know me, I am a very passionate and sincere person. If in one minute you acknowledge that God is real, accept that Jesus is His son and died on the cross for your sins then why go on another day living like the rest of His word means nothing? It's full of His truths and really will "make your pathes straight." (Proverbs 3:6)

I have to close but could keep going... God IS love (I wish I could add audio where I could scream that at you and reach through your monitor and shake your shoulders!).

I ask you again, what if IT changed your life? What if you let "IT" be His love? And again I answer with tears in my eyes... He's changed mine!

Here are the lyrics to this song:

All along I was looking for something else, Youre something else

All along I was looking for something more, Youre so much more

I finally found what I could never see before

Youve always been the one that I was looking for

New Shoes & Trusting God

"Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. [a]"

OK... posted the above on Facebook this AM after lots of praying this AM. Just kept coming to my mind. God say "in ALL things..." Then got on here to blog and without doing anything but logging in a window tha tisn't familiar pops up and that scriputre was pasted in the post window. I had planned to post it but guess someone else did too!

So life... "sometimes my life just don't make sense at all..." comes to mind (from a song called Hold Me Jesus... originally Rich Mullins I believe).

Running sprints 3-4 houses down this AM in the coolness after the storm was awesome. Good tunes, old tennis shoes... wait I just bought new shoes and but was thinking the old shoes would still be comfortable and not get wet or muddy from the rain so I put the old ones on. I KNOW the new shoes are way more comfortable and way more supportive, they are what my crazy hang ten no arch feet need. But still I decided the old shoes would be best for this situation. Wait I decided. I was wrong. Ouch... my toes were rubbing again and the really left me disappointed and after the life lesson stopped about 10-15 minutes to come in here and post.

So let me break it down for you...

Running = life
old shoes = doing things MY way
new shoes = fully relying on, committed to, seeking and 100% crazy in love with God
wet rainy AM sprints = life situations

Life lesson...
when I find myself running on a wet rainy AM (fill in any difficult or uncertain life situation)

and put on my old shoes (decided that what seems like it is comfortable and familiar STILl just blisters your toes, ouch!)

when my heart knows what I should do is put on my new shoes (aka fully rely on, trust, seek, obey and depend on God that He knows the plans He has for me)

because with my new shoes on I WILL soar like an eagle (even if in reality I don't even sprint that fast :)!!

God knows the why, He orchastrates the how, and all I can do is seek Him and "be here, now!"

I humbly ask, yet again, what if it changed your life?
And simply say yet again, He has changed mine!!

Fear

Oh life has been busy... I say sometims lately I'm not sure I have time to breath! But praying come Monday I'll have a change in my work schedule and sit yet again in awe at the timing of God's perfect plan for me!!

But this AM wanted to share this....

So for 30 something years (I'm going to be 36 in a few months)  my biggest fear in life has been rejection and being along. Loooong story short because it's our 3rd day of school this AM  is that this world has been a long standing provider of rejection and lonliness.

But then one day I wake up and realize He's all I ever needed. WOW...sersiously a peace like I can't explain. My biggest fears washed away. Now I find the thought of ever losing His peace to be the biggest inspiration to live each day for each moment. It's a gift I've been given. No more going through the motions. I've said it before it may sound silly but all that matters in the end is an all out crazy love for God. Every choice I make each day I put through the test of "does this show my love for God?" Be it a treatment session with a crabby resident, an interaction with my ex-husband (talk about a source of feelings of rejection... ouch!!), a conversation with the checker at Walmart, you name it... does it glorify God?

"And I will walk by faith
Even when I can not see
Because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me."
Jeremy Camp - Walk by Faith

So what I asked yet again, What if it changed your life?

Soar on wings like eagles...

A factoid to start: Per my friend H who told me she recently read that eagles are the only bird who don't fear a storm?! All other birds will seek shelter but an eagle will use the wind and rage of the storm to soar higher and above the storm.

And I can add that the view from above the storms is breathtaking! I had the opportunity to sit in the jump seat of the E-3 AWACS on several occasions for take off/landing. On a grey stormy day it's kind of just blah on earth. Then you take off and for a few minutes I'd think "Yikes..." and as you go through the clouds you are thankful for air traffic control and a pilot who can fly "instrument flight rules" (though really not an IFR situation) because you can see nothing out the windows. The clouds are so dark and gloomy and you think "How thick are these clouds anyway? Will we ever get through them?" Then you break through the storm clouds and you know what? The sun IS still shining and the view from above is beyond words, inspiring and beautiful. From the flight line just minutes earlier the day seemed to dreary and blah only to break through the clouds and soar on wings like eagles!

So today Psalm 40:31 "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary ,they will walk and not be faint."

We have no idea how thick the storm is, but God promises us that we will soar on wings like eagles and you know what? The SON IS STILL SHINING on the other side of the storm.

Reminds me of a quite... Life isn't waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain :)

Running late this AM but felt like someone needed to read that, and if no one else it was me who needed to type and reread it!

What if IT changed your life? My challenge today is purposeful reading of His Word 7 days this week for 5 minutes. What do you have to lose?

Be here, now (Brennan Manning in "The Ragamuffin Gospel")

So "Be here, now!"

That is the recurrent theme of my life lately and woke up this AM and in my quiet time alone in my room, sitting listening, reading His word and praying literally on my knees I thought "Today could be the last day of your life?" What? Did I hear that right God? Not really today... really? I prayed "Lord your will not mine" and secretly hoped it was just yet again another wake up call, another eyes wide open moment for me to realize embracing each moment - rushed breakfast with R the grouchy patient who doesn't even want therapy, the long drive between facilities on a county road, little people with K when I get home and really would like to just close my eyes and call it a night, whatever that moment might be - is the only way it can be. I want to experience every second of it fully. I'm learning that I am sooooo blessed to be such a passionate person, life is so rich, so full of so much we miss when we get caught up by the things of this world.

Keep thinking of Garth Brook's song "Life is not tried it is merely survived if your standing outside the fire" and then a song by a band called Fee (song is titled "Blink") "It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash, it happens in the time it takes to look back. We try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time..."

So tonight my passion is this... Be Here, NOW!! No regrets. No second chances, unless God blesses us with another shot at it tomorrow and that's no guarantee.

A local church had this on their sign for weeks and I'd be almost past it before I'd think about stopping to take a picture and now it's changed but it said "We don't change the message, the message changes us."

I humbly ask tonight What if IT changed your life? And sit here tonight so richly blessed it blows my mind and say to you He has changed mine. Thank you God for eyes that see (figuratively as I'm legally blind without contacts and glasses don't even cut it anymore :)!!!

The Two P's

With little one working on getting potty trained at my house right now that could be for poop and potty, which I prefer to take place in the toilet.

But this last week to 10 days God has really been speaking to me about priorities and perspective. Hmm...

Perspective changes everything. We go from a viewpoint of "look what I'm missing" or "look how bad this is for me" to "man I am so richly blessed it is unbelievable!" Like if you got out of bed this AM and grumbled about the noise from the alarm clock, got upset there was no milk for your coffee, moaned at the traffic jam on the drive to work, and quietly cussed your boss all day long that makes for a pretty lame existence. But what if you praised God for the electricity supplied right to your bedroom outlet that powers your alarm clock, thanked the Lord you had a fridge to keep the empty milk jug in and  overly stocked grocery store to go buy more milk from whenever you want, sang praise and worship in the car in the traffic jam feeling closer to Him then you have in months with a thankful heart that you have a car, can afford gas, and a mind able to even go to work, and then prayed for your boss on your lunch break that he/she too is a man/woman of God so that the choices they make as you follow are those of God's will. Hmmm... perspective changes everything.

Priorities, what really matters? As you take your last breath nothing much matters. Not your custom cabinets, the leased car you drove, what select softball team your kids played on, who your neighbors were or weren't, etc, etc. What matters is like "Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39. Oops I think some things have been lost in translation as we go about living our own lives. Notice this is a commandment, not a suggestion, why don't you, or it's a good idea. And loving your neighbor as yourself... really like as in thinking of the needs of others as if they were my own. Changing your priorities changes everything as well.

I challenge you tonight  What if changing your perspective and priorities changed your life? What if IT changed your life. And again I answer my own question with 'thankfully it has changed mine!"

Life is good, God is better!

So I might be crazy...

Ok so I sometimes catch myself, Ok more often then not lately, thinking "Am I crazy?" or "This is totally crazy?" But man it is sooooo real. It is so intense I never want to go back. I never want to live the life I thought was fulfilling, satisfying. I've discovered in recent months what truly is fulfilling and satisfying and it IS totally crazy! Reading a book by Frances Chan called Crazy Love and it rocks!

Do I really want to live a life so safe, so comfortable, so not crazy that I miss out on what God has in store for me? So what if I risk it all and send a text or call a friend out of left field to just share with them the thoughts of my heart? So what if they think I'm crazy? BUT what if it was exactly what they needed to hear right then? What if I play it safe and keep my passion to myself? What good does it do me to spend my time and energy trying to cap it? What if I jump off the balance beam I've clutched for dear life one day before my King only to realize I played it safe? (See video below with Frances Chan on the balance beam).

Ugh... what if it change your life? What if we lived like eternity really does matter (and IMO it REALLY DOES!) instead of focused on what this world says matters? Does my hair color, my athletic abilities, the accomplishments of my kids, the car I drive, the money I've saved, etc. etc. really mean so much that we forsake the love of our God in order to live up to those standards.

I don't know about you and you can call me what you want but there is only one way and it's crazy, mad, bold love for my King. To steal a line from a friend "the kind of love that makes you do crazy things like jump on the couch (ala Tom Cruise)!!"

So humbly I ask, "What if IT changed your life?" Hmmm... it's changed mine!

Lee Ann Womack I hope you dance

Couldn't figure out if the last video was working right or not so posting it again :)

Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder..."

When was the last time you took the time to really sit in awe and wonder of the world around you. We go, go, go... this and that and this... everything has a timeline, deadline and expiration date. But what about the everyday miracles that we miss, that we ignore. What about a sun that rises each AM and is set just perfectly or the moon and the beauty of it's fullness in perfect timing with the sun? What about ever single living and breathing creature on this planet that each started from 2 teeny tiny single cells only to become a alligator, humming bird or human? (Not meaning they all came from the same 2 cells) What about the the awe and wonder of your child as they splash in their first rain puddle or learn to read their first words? Why are we so busy that we miss those moments, those opportunities to sit in awe of God's handy work? And how can if you've ever witnessed the birth of a child or heck a puppy or hamster for that matter can you deny God and His greatness?

Reading 3 books almost simultaneously lately (that's huge for someone who hasn't read a book since college??) and all three are talking about losing our sense of wonder. As our knowledge increases our sense of awe and wonder decreases. Why? Because we are consumed with "important" things... but when we take our last breathes what is left that is important. None of that at all. The only thing left of importance is that when we fall on our knees in awe and wonder at the greatness of a God we only saw in the beauty of His creation before, knows our name.

Bottom line. Does He know your name?

So as I always close "What if you took the time to marvel in His greatness and acknowledge the work of His hands?" How would you live differently if you viewed the world through eyes that acknowledge and marveled at everyday miracles?

Life is good, God IS better!

Random, random... am I ADD??

OK tonight's blog is going to be totally random thoughts so bear with me.

#1 - First why will we stay up super late to chat on the phone with a friend? Why will we wake up early to exercise or meet someone for coffee? Or sit on the couch and mindlessly watch a 2 hour movie? Yet when God speaks, if we hear Him, we stay "Sorry I'm just too busy." Seems like such a horrible way to respond to someone who is eager to give us soooo much! I've been that person and feel blessed to be doing my best to run fast from that lifestyle. Funny thing is it's not really living in my opinion.

#2 - Full moon on Monday July 26, 2010 - turn off the TV, take a snack and go out with your family and enjoy it. God puts it there every night without fail just for us!

#3 - Some might think I'm thinking "Dish Network how am I living without you?" But quite the contrary I'm thinking tonight "Dish Network how did I ever really live with you?" So maybe you don't ditch Dish or whatever all together but turn it off and live. You only get one shot at this.

#4 - Self doubt. Decided that has to be the biggest limiting factor in our lives. Along with it's best friends fear of failure and fear of success. I'm guilty (raising my hand) of it and have recently realized that when I fill my heart and mind with the truths of God's Word the self doubt goes away. God fills in the gaps and I can trust Him to catch me when I'm falling and be my strength and my way even when life seems impossible.

#5 - So "Be Here, Now" is Brennan Manning's first Mercy in "The Ragamuffin Gospel". That is the passion of my heart in the last month and a half. Looking back 6-8 weeks ago I'd have never imagined in my wildest dreams to be sitting in this place today, at peace with my life and so head over heals, crazy in love with my God. With such a passion and clarity in the purpose of my life... to share that with others. My God says "Come" and when I do each AM in quiet time and prayer, when I do driving down the road singing my heart out to Him in praise, when in the middle of the day a friend or someone I know pops into my head and I pray for them, when I tuck Kara in and just study her face by the light of her glow worm, He is there.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you.I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not LET your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

I have that peace tonight... "What if you seek Him and found He's waiting with a simple request "Come" and what if He changed your life?" I double dog dare you to try!

33 miles one life to love

Still kind of numb after hearing about Arlene's suicide a few days ago. Heard this song this AM and it really moved me to my core.

So listen to the song and today I ask "What if living like we actually believed that our purpose is really what the Bible stays in Matt 22:37-39?" What if we took all of the 'me' out of the equation and realized it really is all for His glory? What if...

Jesus replied, "'Love the the Lord God with ALL your heart, with ALL your soul and with ALL your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And teh second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."

A vapor in the wind...

So was going to call it an early bedtime last night at 9 pm. God has been pushing me all day to contact a friend to encourage him to keep writing about his story, his transformation in Christ BUT I kept resisting. I ddin't want to be a pest, didnt' want to be "weird." God can talk to him directly right... why does he need me involved? So I'm refusing and just going to go to sleep.

Literally as I got in bed my phone rang and a friend from East Texas was calling to let me know a friend from that area had died. A dear lady who from the outside appeared to have it all, but on the inside apparently had no hope no peace. I'm crying again at the thought of the young family she left behind and the hope and peace she could have found in Him. I don't really know what to write today but just to say be here, now! God really isn't waiting for us to have a better job, a better living situation, a better fill in the blank. He wants us on fire for Him now. The world is full of desperate and hurting people and He calls us to be "fishers of men."

Matthew 4:19 "Come follow me,' Jesus said, "And I will make you fishers of men."

Lord when our hearts are heavy and we don't understand Your plans for us give us strength and peace that surpasses all understanding. Give our hearts the will of Your heart, change us, transform us into who You would have us be.

So with a heavy heart and tears of sorrow today I ask "What if HE changed your life?" No really, "What if HE changed your life?" Or the life of a dear friend or family member through your witness?

Lukewarm vs. hot or cold

Just donig a short time on the Tread Climber this AM to get the blood pumping and thinking about what the boot camp lady said the other day. We sweat like crazy, get red faced, hot, heart pumping and I push myself to do things that when she first tells us I think "No way!" Then I push through and do it and think "Wow that was awesome."

So on the Tread Climber this AM was thinking that it almost isn't enough workout. Was just doing 15 minutes to stretch my legs and get going. Was thinking I need like 30 minutes on full power to give me that all out 'real' workout. The boot camp lady said one night something about people just wanting to go to the gym, get on the eliptical for 20 minutes at a medium pace, get off, wipe a little sweat from their brow, go home and call it done.

Are we not the same in our faith. God tells us you are saved by faith and so many of us (me included) eagerly accept that and proclaim to our churches "Today I accepted Christ." Then we go home, get back in to our routines and call it done. WHAT?? What a total slap in the face!

What if you were sick with say cancer because of a lifestyle choice. What if MY child had the cure for your sickness but MY child had to die to save you. What if I allowed MY child to die for you? And after all was said and done you just looked at me flippedly and said "Oh thanks for the cure" and went back to your old lifestyle. God says we will be made new in Him and we just raise our hands, maybe shed a few tears, and go home to the old life we've had.

Revelation 3:15-17 says (and it's Jesus talking): "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other. So, because you are lukewarm you are neither hot or cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Jesus wants us to choose... hot or cold but no more lukewarm.

So this AM I ask What if you stopped being comfortable, easy, lukewarm? What if the decision you made to be a believer in Christ set your life on fire, risking it all for His glory?

Francis Chan - Balance Beam

Reading Frances Chan's book "Crazy Love" and keep watching this video. He has a chapter in the book titled "Lukewarm Christian." Got me thinking. I know from God's word that I am not called to a life that is safe, that is marked by me clinging to the balance beam, only to one day stand before my God and jump off ready to be judged for what? I am thankful that God has used the last 2+ years of my life to open my eyes to that and thankful I was given breathe long enough to be able to learn that lesson. The only option is to be a totally sold out, on fire, crazy in love follower of Christ. Otherwise what's the point? He gave HIS ONLY SON for us and we give him safe, mundane, not risking, life?? Wow that just feels sooooo wrong to me.

So what stops us... fear, anxiety, concern about acceptance, desire for wordly things to name a few? To all that I say let it go. God who gave HIS ONLY SON wants us to give our lives. He wants us to give each breathe to praising Him and giving Him the glory for all we do on this Earth. It is such a short time and if there is no God then tell me, what's the point?

So what are you waiting for... What if IT changed your life?

Really, no really? God you want me to do what?!

OK more often than not lately I find that to be the question of my mind: "Really, no really? God you want me to do what?!"

While reading His word, while praying, while driving, while sitting at a Bible study, heck for that matter while taking a shower I find God speaking to me. And listening and obeying is more often than not totally crazy and in left field. But then time and time again when I do obey who ever else is involved reaffirms for me the situation and I know without a shadow of a doubt it is God working in my life and theirs. Sometimes the "tell them..." is really me needing to hear it for myself out loud so I tell someone else and light bulb goes on in me. Sometimes it's so random I think "This person is going to think I've lost my mind..." but then they say "I really need to hear that."

But I go to bed after hearing Romans 12:1-2 tonight comforted that I am seeking His will in my life.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind...." Romans 12:1-2

This body, this mind is not my own. Bought and paid for by the blood of Christ on the cross and that's something I don't take lightly. I can no longer live each day as if it doesn't matter as if who I am and what I do is pointless. I know at some point when I think "Really, no really? Did I just do that?" more than a someone (probably a "some alot") will think I've lost my mind and I'm too radical. Reminds me of a song "I'll become even more undignified than this!"



So my what if question tonight is "What if you started truly seeking Him? What if you started not always talking to or at God but sat still and listened more? And what if when you listened and heard His voice you actually followed through with things?"

What if IT changed your life?

Life is good, God IS better!!

A vapor in the wind...

Can't go to sleep. Been in bed heaven for a long time and can't stop thinking... "What if I don't wake up in the AM?" OK why am I thinking that you ask? I'm not worrying that I'm not going to wake up in the AM but I'm reading a book called "Crazy Love" by Frances Chan and chapter 2 talks about this. Something I've thought about and questioned for a few years now. What is the point of this life? It's such a short span and in 2 or three generations after you die, no one even remembers you?

So about 2 years ago I realized it's about preparing for eternity. The every day stress and almost mechanical routines we go through each day can become blah and too routine. Do we take the time each day to marvel at the work of His hands? Have you noticed the big white fluffy clouds lately? Have you sat for a few extra minutes tucking your kiddo in trying to memorize every detail of her face by the light of the glow worm? Have you lived with a passion for this life because you realize it is preparing you for eternity with God?

Tears are running down my cheeks as I type this in the dark with my glasses on so forgive any typos. I'll have to proof read it in the AM.

But did you get what I'm talking about? Do you understand that this moment, this very breath is all you get. There is no promise of tomorrow, no way to return to even 5 seconds ago and yet we live like our story is never ending. It does end here on Earth and what are we doing here to be prepared to meet our King? Are we living a life that glorifies His name with every action and with every ounce of our being, which is after all His gift to us, "life and life more abundantly"?

Dear friends I so sincerely and deeply pray that you get it. What if it changed your life started as a process for me to express what I'm learning as my faith grows and my reliance on God here on Earth grows. But what if it isn't about me? What if it is all about Him? Is my life here and now pointing towards Him? Do people I meet, strangers and friends, know the passion of my heart and know the love I have for my God?

What if I don't wake up tomorrow? Be here, now! Dear friends... be here, now! And in being here, now, embrace and hold tight to the truths that our God loves us and someday we will stand before His thrown and answer to all the charges of sin against us. I pray today dear friend that the blood of Christ that covers all our  sin will be what sets you free.

Jesus said, "Come" to which Peter would then step out in faith on to the water. Peter's faith would waver and he started to sink. Peter says, "Lord save me."

Through the tears I ask "What if IT changed your life?"

"Come."

Was reading at lunch today and realized that was all Jesus said to Peter when he was out on the water and asking Peter to have faith, walk on the water and come to him. Jesus didn't say "Well Peter when you get your act together, when life makes more sense, when you have more money, when you have more time, when you are happier, when you meet your own standards or the standards of this world, etc, etc THEN come on out here!" No Jesus simply said "Come."

Are we that obedient? If not why? So what holds you back? He wants us here and He wants us now. "Come." And when life gets crazy and our faith wavers and He seems so far away it's as simple as "Lord save me."

Again I ask... what if IT changed your life?

Hillsong - From The Inside Out Lyrics

Woke up this in my head "And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise, from the inside out out oh my soul cries out!" Awesome song!

Also reminds me of when Jesue walked on water. Everyone seems to know that Jesus said "Oh you of little faith" but what speaks to me in that story is Peter's reply when he beings to sink. We will all beghin to sink at some point in our lives, even daily throught a single day, a single hour. But Peter doesn't try to treadwater, he doesn't call for the other disciples to throw a life vest, he doesn't start searchign for how to swim to shore, he doesnt' start thinking about how to build his own boat, he doesn't give up and just go under BUT it is written in Matthew 14:30 that he says "beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord save me!"

"Lord save me!"... I'm learning that at the moment that I begin to sink, not after I'm arelady underwater and my lungs are filling with water but from the start of my day to cry out like Peter "Lord save me!" and He is faithful.

What if IT changed your life? IT has changed mine :)

On and On Tenth Avenue North

Really listen to these lyrics... powerful and beautiful!

All Along - Remedy Drive [LYRICS]

This song is awesome! And just for the record on my previous post I did miss a few curfews and my mom was usually sitting up on the couch waiting for me with that look of "glad you are home safe." But I have never been drunk, yes that is true. Long story for another day about being in control of my body and what happens to me. And I've never been beat up (though if you meet me in a dark alley wiht a sword watch out... I rock Wii sword fighting, LOL!!), it's just not in my nature to fight. I'm the middle child peace keeper :)

Bad dreams....

I had a bed guest last night as Reese came stumbling in my room crying "Mommy, Mommy I had a bad dream." She didn't hesitate. She didn't stumble around the house in the dark looking for where I might be. She knew I was in my room, in my bed and she came straight to me. She cried my name as she walked so that I might hear her on the way. Now being that I sleep in bed heaven I only heard her when she was at my doorway but I sat up in bed and when she got to the edge of the bed I held out my arms and hugged her. I snuggled her into my bed and laid there with my arms wrapped around her. I didn't question her about the bad dream. I didn't scold her for having a bad dream. I didn't tell her to go back and face it alone and once she wasn't afraid anymore to come back then. I didn't tell her to stop crying and "man up" and deal with it. I simply extended to her the love I have for my child without condition without hesitation.

So at 3 am when I woke up to find myself still holding her asleep I realized she needed to go back to her room. I picked her up and walked her back to her room. As I came back to my bed I realized that's it. That is the metaphor of Christ's love for us.

He says just come as we are when our "dreams are good, when our dreams are bad" just come crying "Abba Father" and He is there. No questions he just holds us and loves us. No need to measure up to some preconceived notion we have of ourselves before we can go to Him. He just wants us right now, right in the middle of the bad dreams when we are weak and alone He wants to hold us as His child. He wants to wrap His arms around us and for us to never struggle to get away. He wants us to find rest in Him.

Think about it. Even as Reese gets older what if she'd been out too late, broke her curfew and comes home drunk and beat up (which will probably NEVER happen if you know Reese :), but I'm just saying. As she stumbles in the door as I sit up on the couch waiting for her (thanks Mom :). She's broken major house rules. She's disappointed me. She needs correction and guidance BUT my first response will be a sigh of relief that  she's home safely. That in spite of her circumstance she came home. She came back to me. I will open my arms and hold her. My love will overshadow her need to be corrected and judged at that moment, I will just be glad she is safe and sound. We may talk about thing the choices she made and the consequences of her actions in the AM but at that moment my love will abound.

The last month or so the story of the Prodigal Son keeps being a repeated part of my Bible reading and my thoughts. It's in Luke chapter 15:11-32. The line that keeps repeating in my head is verse 20 "... but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son and threw his arms around him."

That's it. That simple. That basic. Confess with your lips and believe in her your heart that Jesus Christ is the risen savior, crucified, risen and coming again as it is written. And then run to Him without shame, fear, apprehension, without trying to live up to some worldly standard... He awaits to pour out His love and grace.

He says "Come to me all who are week and burdened, and I will live you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 111:28

What if "I will dance, I will sing, I'll be mad for MY King!" became your lifestyle. What might you experience surrounded by His love and grace that you've never known before?

Again I double dog dare you to try. What if IT changed your life?

A quote...

Saw this quote and it goes along with my last post.

“Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.” Martin Luther

"THIS is the day..."

Yesterday was without a shadow of a doubt the most humbling moment in my life. Even more so than the day either of my children were born and that says a lot. Being a mom and knowing that God started with 2 single cells and then you physically grew and birthed another human being is pretty awe inspiring. But it was something yesterday with His timing of it all. My life the last couple of years I've really felt a need to "live now" and get frustrated with thinking "Am I the only person who gets this?" Life gets so busy, so full of this and that and the other. But at the end of the day, at the end of your life the ONLY thing left that matters is IF you know Jesus Christ as your personal savior, period. And by His grace we are all free to accept this offer.

So yesterday as I sat with a man who was literally taking his last breaths and prayed a short prayer that he did know God and that He was going to find His peace, I was smacked over the head once again with this truth. The details of life can be fun, especially when they are pursued according to His will for our lives, and sometimes the details aren't so fun. I read in an e-mail the other day something like "Trial in our lives our not God testing OUR faithfulness BUT God proving HIS faithfulness." That simple statement changes your perspective and "What if IT changed your life?"

I dare you to try. Heck I double dog dare you! Start today with a short prayer asking Jesus to be your personal savior and humbling yourself before Him. Ask Him to make you whole and new in Him. Then open His Word and read 5 minutes a day. If you do it with a sincere heart then the only thing it can do is change your life.

Again I double dog dare you to try... what if IT changed your life?

Fear Not...

Hmm... deep thinking this AM and I'll apologize in advance I'm typing this legally blind (no contacts or glasses) but feel the need to get it written but also have to be getting in the shower soon. So excuse the typos. A friend recently told me "it's in the eyes" when talkign about looking your self in the mirror and getting real with yourself and God. I agree, mostly. God searches a man deeper than what can be seen and our eyes are limited. It's about what's in your heart. If you carry around bitterness, anger, frustration, guilt, self doubt or any other host of the many feelings we have as humands, even the smallest seed of the above, it is what you will reap. Ok know of us are prefect but I've found in the last 6 months to 2 years that filling my heart with God's word and His promises smoothers out the seeds of anything else that migth consume my heart. I can rationalize and down play anything that creeps into my head and I can lie to my own eyes but my heart speaks the truth. The time is NOW to make the change. |

No fears, no regrets it's an all out love affair with my King. No more fear of rejection, no more fear of acceptance, no more fear of failure, no more fear of succeeding, no fear of lonliness,... used to have a hat in the late 80s early 90s that said "Fear Not..." instead of the popular "No fear." THeres a difference there "Fear not" to me means it may creep in but I won't fear it. "No fear" means it won't be there. I'm human so the fears will be there so saying "no fear" would be a lie of my mind. Then when the above creep in I'd feel more defeated in my heart. So today I say "Fear not..." for my God is in control and my heart is focused on him. When I struggle and my mind and my eyes want to convince me of different then I'll turn ot His word and fellowship of great friends who I believe God sends to help us keep our focus.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Coem to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy adn my burden light."

So what is the "IT"?

Ack I might be becoming a runner?? OK maybe a light jogger but still nothing I ever expected. Had an opportunity to hit the pavement this AM because the girls are with their dad. So I did with my MP3 player loaded (yes I'm that old school... no iPod!).

This weekend has been a huge time of growth and understanding for me. I realized while I was running that the "IT" in my "what if it changed your life?" is God's grace, a love He freely gives us that we don't deserve. The "IT" of his grace changes everything if we are willing to accept it, and run with it (pun intended :). He wants us to not wait to be perfect, He wants us to come with all our fears and insecurities and He will change our lives. Lyrics from my run this AM "I want to be like my Jesus" and "I'll become even more undignified than this." It's not about the things of this world. It's about the life He gives me to glorify Him and to share His love with others, to share it with the breathe He gives me. No holding back. I don't want to live another moment of mundane missing the magnitude of the grace He gives!

So I ask "What if HE changed your life?" Keep hearing "those who lose their life will find it!" At a moment in my life when to the world it would appear that I just "lost it all" I most certainly site here this AM and would argue with you that no my friend, "I have found it!"

Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) by Chris Tomlin With Lyrics

Hae listened to this song a million times in the last 12 hours if not more! Really listen to and read the words. Thank you God for your grace and for your promises!!

What if you quite letting your past define your future?

Tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
—Romans 5:3-4

So had a busy, busy few weeks. Then the girls went with their dad last night and I was pissed. Not at him, but at myself for not being able to protect them when they are gone. You see much of my life I have struggled with "who will protect me?" My own dad was in/out and my early relationships and even in my marriage no one seemed to be protecting Alisa. Seemed is the key word. In the last 12 hours or so I've realized that the times when I felt no one there, He was, God was, is and always will be. Then got up this AM and had this e-mail from Our Daily Bread (thanks Grandma Clements for being so faithful daily to read your Word and Our Daily Bread... see you again someday!!) with the bers abobe from Romans.

Late last night it hit me. The trials I faced as a young teenager and in the last 22 years so hae put me in the perfect place, with the best experience possible to now pray for, encourage and protect my own two beautiful girls. I know from first hand experience the road of disappointment, discouragement and trying to find that human someone who would protect me! Do I believe that someday I might find someone who is capable of being what my own earthly dad, early relationships and marriage was not... honest, dependable, trustworthy, and protector... yes His name is Abba Father and I've found Him!! I also believe His word and hae hope that someday I'll meet someone to share this trip around the world with who is at least willing to try his best to be those things for me. Tall order maybe but with God all things are possible. And if not God is eerything and enough.

I slept peacefully last night and woke up this AM with a peace that I've not had in 22 years. A peace about my past, of letting go of bitterness and anger at people in my life and at God for "letting it happen." Now I can see that if I'd never walked this same road then how would I so clearly see how to protect and coer my girls in prayer? How would I hae the faith I do today to be strong for them to be an example for them? How would I be able to help them realize everyone on this Earth will be at some time disappointing, discouraging and untrustworthy BUT God never will be!

That's it this AM. Thanks to a dear friend for insight last night and being bold in the faith and willing to put the truth out there and encourage me to stand in His peace instead of the way the world says I should respond.

So today I am free... free from letting my past define my future. What about you?

Divine Romance - Phil Wickham

Unbeautiful continued

Yikes been busy. But was driving today and kept listening to a couple of songs over and over. One has the words "For You I sing. I dance. I rejoice in this divine romance." I'll post it too. Guess in my life right now that image of being in a romance with God encourages me and helps me look myself in the mirror and say "Alisa Lynn you are beautiful" each AM and each night before bed. Funny that when you start to change your own way of thinking it can change your life. Have I physically changed much in the last 6 months to a year, not really. But I feel more beautiful then ever. Why you ask? Because I realized what God treasures and that He made and created me as a treasure. I quit trying to live up to unrealistic photo shopped ideals of this world. I am who I am. My body is the way God designed it! Wow if He's happy with it than so am I. And if He is happy with it then if His plan includes a Godly man in my life then it will be someone who appreciates my gentle and quite spirit and appreciates that I'm beautiful for who I am both inside and out.

So there you go. The lie of unbeautiful falls. Good bye 8th grader with a fro, hello lady designed and created by God!

Unbeautiful becomes to unfold... lies never stand up to the truth

1 Peter 3:3-4: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I have a huge bathroom mirror and wrote that on it so I read it each AM, heck every time I look in that mirror. Each time I look in the mirror and even start to fall into the trap of the lies I've believed for tooooo long I am reminded what is of worth in God's sight. I mean everyone says my curly hair is beautiful but what if I lost it all for some reason some day? Then what do I have left? What about large breasts? What if they were gone some day? And what about if I'm 90 (or not ;) and look completely different some day, then what is left of this worldly outward beauty? The only thing that remains at the end of the day is our gentle and quiet spirit and what a gift of beauty I've found.

Doing this fabulous Bible study at church and I have also learned in the last 2 weeks that my body was intended for only one man. So God I'm trusting in you that if someday that is your path for me again in life that this time I'll do it right. I'll understand what it means to be truly beautiful in the eyes of a Godly man, someone who seeks you daily and helps me draw closer to you. Someone who cherishes me for who I am in You. Someone who understands 1 Peter 3:3-4.

Sorry I digress a bit that was really more a prayer of my heart. Like I said in the opening I'm being transparent, real, open and true to myself. Sharing who I am, what I'm learning and the journey God is taking me on so that others might grow closer to Him too. What if it changed your life? It has mine.

More later on the lie of unbeautiful.

May God bless you with enough...

♫ "I Am Free" - Newsboys ♫

I believe that when we stop believing the lies of this world we are "free to dance" and keep hearing this song in my heart this evening.

I got an 'A'!!

Ok was thinking today about the lies about what is beautiful that I have believed and let me just get something else off my chest (pun intended!). I got an 'A'... that's right I got an A cup?! Ok a B cup if I stand up real straight and pull my shoulders back unnaturally. Wait I thought an A was the best grade you can get then why in the world is an A cup not considered the best? Always believed I was "unbeautiful" too because my breasts (eek... I said breasts on my blog :) were of the smaller size. But let me review... 2 beautiful, thriving little girls are snuggled in their beds with a combination of 27 months of breastfeeding and for that matter exclusive breastfeeding for both until almost 6 months. So for a long time my "little A cups" were the sole source of nourishment and food for my girls. I'd say that's worth an A :) After all God created them for that purpose. And I'll add as a side note it would have been awfully hard to get my Varsity Football letter had they been much bigger?? Just wouldn't have worked out well under shoulder pads and getting tackled and all!

Sorry I digressed and didn't fully disprove the lie of "unbeautiful" (yes that is a word, ok maybe I made it up but  it just worked so it's a word now :). Will have to end for the night. My "bed heaven" is calling (aka my TempurPedic bed) and my Internet wasn't working this afternoon or evening so I couldn't get to this sooner. Will have time tomorrow night to disprove the lie of "unbeautiful." Until then, look at your self in the mirror and repeat after me "I am beautiful." Go ahead try it... changing your thoughts changes your attitude!

May God bless you with enough...

Walk on the Water-Britt Nicole

So this is the song of my heart this AM... heard it last night on the way home from church after a loooooong day! It's that first step into the unknown that scares the fire out of me but I've learned that step 2, 3, 4, etc do get easier. You do not have to be afraid... John 14:27 ".... do not LET your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

The Lies in my Life

Was driving today and was creating a mental list of the lies I've believed for much of my life that I know recognize as such. So thought I'd share, watch out I'm putting some deep stuff on here in the next few days to a week. I'll warn you I'm going to be real and open, totally transparent no holding back, and if you know me well you might hear some of it and be surprised but know in the end I know how my story ends and it's all good :) I'll expand on these in the coming days and explain how I came to realize they were lies so hang with me... just started a 3rd job??

So the lies:

1) Curly hair equals not pretty/beautiful
2) No one is trustworthy or reliable
3) Being a priority to anyone is unrealistic - or at least being in any one's top 2 even is unrealistic
4) Marriages are to be endured not enjoyed by both parties
5) Being alone is scary and uncertain

Seems like there were more when I was driving but that will keep me busy for a while. I'll start tonight with a short story behind #1 and blog more later about how I uncovered the truth.

The Lie: Curly hair equals no pretty/beautiful

Ugh... I should post my 8th grade graduation picture because a picture is worth a thousand words. I'll try to scan it and post it tomorrow?? I said I'm getting real.  Growing up in the 80s hair products were still "stone age" and straighteners all had lye in them. Lye can burn your skin (ask Carie my sister). So I had super curly hair that wasn't easily going to be any different. Never felt like I looked like anyone else (whether in real life or on TV or in magazines) because of "all those gorgeous curls" thanks to every 80 year old lady who had the same hair as me!! So then comes 8th grade and this super stylist who can do something different with my hair. Seriously he gave me the same cut as the 80 year old women... cut it super short with some little wisps on the back!? Wonder where he is now... I'd like to thank him? Anyway the neighborhood kids were relentless and so in 8th grade I not so happily got the nickname "Fro" and so began my journey of "unbeautiful." Could anyone with a "fro" ever be beautiful? Not in my 13 year old eyes... I was the ugly duckling. And then came 8th grade graduation pictures where my eyes aren't open, my posture is funny and the "fro" is in full bloom!! So for 22+ years I have held that mental image of that snapshot of that 8th grade graduation picture in my head and been "the fro headed "unbeautiful" kid."

The Truth: to be continued but for a preview check out 1 Peter 3:3-4

Big Daddy Weave - Hold Me Jesus

Just realized I could post with this. Each day I'll post a different song... or at least the song of my heart for that day :) Enjoy and remember "What if it changed your life?"

What If His People Prayed- Casting Crowns

This my inspiration for this page. What if His people prayed? by the inspiring group Casting Crowns. I pray my journey inspires you as my God and His music inspires me!

Take 2

Ok so today I'm going to share this blog via e-mail and FB. Was too scared of failure with it for a few days. Woke up this AM and realized it can't fail because if for no other reason it serves a purpose in my life. It allows me to think out loud, to be transparent, to be real. When I am weak, He is strong. Join me on this journey I call my life, my life I am choosing to live fully praising and acknowledging my God who loves me.

This AM I awake to the rest of my life ahead of me. The same way I wake up each AM... to 3 alarm clocks :) I'm not naturally a morning person but it's getting easier. The quiet of the AM and getting to shower as I can tell the sun is rising from the sky light in my shower is awe inspiring. For the record said skylight seriously leaked in my closet and bathroom right after I moved in and I was thinking it might not be such a blessing? I was wrong.  It reminds me each day I know my God personally, passionately who is with me daily.

I love music and the song of my heart today is Rich Mullin's "Hold Me Jesus" but actually a version by Big Daddy Weave that I heard the other day. I hear the words "Hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf" and I know I must be fully reliant on God. I know that the lies of this world have held me back on that for too many years. I know in my heart and mind that God is faithful and trustworthy. I feel blessed to have made so many great friends in the last few months who have prayed me through this time and who I know continue to pray for me. But if they should fall away and life's paths lead us different ways I know God will never leave me and I have to be challenged to stay strong in his arms. Amidst the turmoil I call life right now I have this peace like never before. A peace I can't explain.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not LET your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

So the challenge remains: What if you (and I both) stopped believing the lies of this world? What if we "stood upon God's promises and stormed hell's rusty gates" (What if His people prayed? Casting Crowns)?

Just thought of Psalm 91 that a friend sent me the other day. Check it out for yourself. That's where I want to live my life "in the shelter of the Most High".

May God bless you with enough...

Here goes nothing...

6/8/10: What if I created a blog and it changed people's lives?


I have previously done a lot of driving for work and in about 135,000 miles or so find myself often asking "What if..." questions in my head. Sometimes they challenge me to do something different and sometimes I just wonder "What if...". So about a month ago I started thinking about "What if I shared my what ifs with others and they were inspired to live differently?" "What if I created a blog and people would share with me about the "What if..." challenges they took and how it changed their lives?" "What if my what if thoughts made the world just a little better?" Hmm... so here it goes.


I guess time will tell if my first "What if..." challenge has any merit. So with LOTS of changes in my life recently, almost divorced, job change and a pay cut, single parenthood, to name a few I found myself struggling to define who I was. Then it hit me... I am the daughter of a King! So for several months I've been reading my Bible daily and believing the truths that are in it. I realized that in seeking God's plan for my life it has been easy to let go of the lies of the world that I've allowed to define who I was, how I acted/reacted and how high I'd soar. I started seeking God's truths about who I am, how I act/react and how high I'll soar. So far I have to say if I share my story with anyone they are typically pretty surprised at how well I am doing. It's a God thing. I dared to quit believing the lies of the world and started seeking God.


So challenge #1: "What if you quit believing the lies of the world? What if you quit letting the lies of the world define who you are, how you act/react and how high you soar?"