A "Q" tile is worth nothing when playing Uno

Sometimes you feel like you finally have all your Monopoly money and properties organized only to find out everyone else is now playing Scrabble. And just when you get a word with that pesky "Q" tile and are ready to play the game has changed, and someone is calling out "Uno!"

This life is full of relationships and situations that are out of our control. We live in a world where "My way or the highway" is the motto of many. I have spent too much time and energy trying to play the right game and making other people an idol, just hoping they'd acknowledge and recognize that I am a good person, that my heart is good and my desire is to do right. In those times I put other people before God. I had lost sight of my worth in Christ alone as a daughter of the King and heir to His inheritance.
 
Sometimes the best decision when you wake up one day and realize this situation is silence. Sometimes the best decision you can make it to not respond, not reply, not defend, not speak a single word. Your heart doesn't have to be angry or full of hate to remain silent. I have actually found that choosing silence and stepping away from some relationships has released anger and frustration and filled me with peace and contentment. I have made the choice to seek God and His direction for me in some relationships and time and time again I read in his word affirming words about my decision to remain silent.

I am not called to reconcile every relationship I have ever had to another person's approval and I am not called to be "best friends forever" with every person I meet. I am called to love my neighbor as myself and to love and pray for my enemies. We are all fallen, lost and hopeless without Christ. My prayer in these difficult relationships is that my silence speaks Christ. My silence allows me to love my neighbors by being able to pray for their hearts and for their relationship with Christ to grow without me hindering their walk or causing them to sin with anger towards me. It also allows me to draw nearer to Christ as I walk each day not hindered and burdened with anger (let's be real... sin) with every interaction or thought of them.

So sometimes the game is best not played. Folding your cards and silently walking away in prayer is an option. The world will scream back "Why are you so angry? So full of hate? Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you play MY game?" I know. I am walking the road of choosing silence and have been accused of some really nasty and ugly things because of my silence. I find comfort and hope in the words spoken by Jesus in John 16:33 "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world."

Take heart my friend. There is hope in Jesus Christ in world of chaos when our eyes remain fixed on Him alone. In Christ alone we know how this life ends and how our eternity begins. Find comfort and peace in silence resting in Christ.

What if it changed your life?

Give me Jesus

Interesting back and forth last night about kids and medication with one of  the ex's. She stated "Don't treat me like a kid" with the intention of saying your questioning my parenting decisions is questioning me. No,  questioning your decisions is that you should have been parents under one roof, sharing these decisions, discussing things like medication and schooling for your kids, but you are not. You now have perceived control because you have physical custody and expect no input from their father. He lost SOOOO much in the divorce. He lost the daily opportunity to interact with, guide, lead, support, encourage and love his kids (period), which he desires so greatly. You gained control (perceived control), which you desire so greatly.

So then up this morning reading the book of Numbers and then Psalm 90. Psalm 90 says "teach me to  number my days." Situations like the above can make your blood boil, if you let it. Situations like the above can make you angry, frustrated and upset for days about past and current decisions  if you let it. Situations like the above can steal your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control, if you let it. These things have no law against them... you can never be too (fill in the blank.) If our days our numbered I want them filled with the latter, not the former.

Then the song "Give me Jesus" by Jeremy Camp keeps playing in my head. I sit quietly to pray for the above situation, and situations to come and all I can hear is "give me Jesus, you can have all this world, just give me Jesus" In situations like the above, my response has to be "give me Jesus." The world wants to fight us for control of every situation. The world wants to build walls, put up facades and smile pretty to create the illusion of control.

My own divorce,and losing all the control I thought I had, taught me,  "Just give me Jesus" because when push comes to shove... you've never seen a hearse pulling a U-haul or fifth wheel travel trailer so all the family could go with them :) Everything we fight so hard to control, our lives, our kids lives, our ex'spouse's lives, whoever, whatever... just leads to frustration, anger, hatred, and loneliness.

When I gave my life and that control to Jesus, I realized He is all I need.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Dca0P7w9ZQ

What if giving it all to Jesus, you realized He was all you need? What if it changed your life?

"Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations."

I keep hearing the words of a song by Hillsong United called Mighty to Save. The first time I "heard" these words were sitting at  a four way stop in McAlester, OK, just days after finding out my then husband was having an affair with his coworker. As I sat at the stop sign, angry as I could ever be and not liking the angry that would just pop up and overcome me, I looked towards his office building. As my eyes saw R standing out front, the words of this song played "Everyone needs compassion..." I was immediately broken. Tears streamed by face and I asked God "Me? Really? I have to be the one to show your compassion?" The answer was obviously "YES!" and I decided at that moment that in spite of what had been "done to me" my response had to be one of compassion, of loving my "enemy" of relying on Christ to shine through me when satan so desperately wanted me to flee from the hope I had in Christ.

So fast forward, ummmmm, a few months shy of 5 years and I find myself with an ex husband AND an ex wife (as a friend once called her husband's ex wife "my exwife" and this is truth). And every time I want to be angry at what has been "done to me and the kids" I keep hearing this song in my head "Everyone needs compassion..." and again I find myself over the last 3 months or so asking God "Me? Really? I have to be the one to show your compassion?" and the answer is an obvious "YES!" I haven't decided quite so quickly that my response has to be one of compassion. I've held on to "justified" unforgiveness and anger that crops into my heart (not necessarily my actions... so that justifies my response right) with interactions with these people. Did I mention these interactions are often weekly or even potentially daily as decisions have to me made about visitation, sports schedules, schooling options?? So daily I have anger and not compassion.

This morning while reading His truth God pointed me to read: 

Luke 6:27-28 ²⁷ “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

Romans 12:9-14

⁹ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. ¹⁰ Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹ Do not be slothful in zeal,be fervent in spirit,^[a] serve the Lord. ¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ¹³ Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

Numbers 6:24-26

²⁴ “‘“The Lord bless you    and keep you;²⁵ the Lord make his face shine on you    and be gracious to you;²⁶ the Lord turn his face toward you    and give you peace.”’


So I am called to love my enemy, do good to those who hate me, bless those who curse me and pray for those who abuse me. This morning I make a decision to bless and not curse. It's hard, oh my it's hard. I'm going to memorize Numbers 6:24-26 so that when the frustration and anger begins to surface I can overcome it with God's truth. And in reality, I do want both of their lives to be blessed and not cursed as their lives involve my kiddos and one divorce is enough for kids. I do want their other parents to have successful  God centered, marriages that provide a stable, loving, God centered family for them and pray my own home is the same. 

So there you go... what if it changed your life? Praying and blessing instead of cursing and anger (as the world justifies we have the right to do and be)? I'm going to go out on a limb and ask "what if it changed your life? And answer myself before I even have much opportunity to act and say "He will in great and mighty ways!" God is faithful.

Hillsong United - Mighty to Save

Not just a fish

Listening to Pastor Edward speak from Jonah Chapter 2 before I go hear him speak from Jonah Chapter 3.

This hit me... this life, our flesh, this world tells us that "discipline, pain, bad times" etc are punishment YET in my own life I can see that those times were keys in me turning to God fully and completely. Everything I've thought I've lost, all the trials, all the hard times are nothing in comparison to the peace I have found.

Running hard and fast from God, in the middle of uncertainty and confused, in the calm of life and things are going well... go listen to the series.

What if it changed your life?

Jonah Series

"Let my people go!"

So reading about the plague's in Egypt and Moses keeps saying "Let my people go!" and God keeps hardening Pharaoh's heart. And Moses keeps saying something like "So that you will know the Lord is God."

Kept thinking as I read it that for years God was sometimes yelling, sometimes whispering to me "Let the shame, guilt, fear of your sin go!" and I kept hardening my heart. I might have softened it a bit and let some of it go only to turn around and cling to it tighter. I knew Christ as my Savior but he wasn't Lord of my life, the shame, guilt and fear had that position filled. And I knew Christ forgave me of my sins, well all except that one and this one. See even typing this now in the freedom of Christ's forgiveness I don't want to say out loud what those sins were.

(Insert deep breathe... pause in the typing)

I held on to for years shame and guilt related to adultery. Let's just call it what it is. No beating around the bush, no justifying it, sin is sin. The facts (no justification because I am responsible for my own actions): at age 13 I was sexually abused and eventually raped by a classmate. I knew the Bible said that intimacy was between one man and one woman and I'd lost the opportunity to share that so I with shame and guilt gave myself away outside of marriage. I wasn't promiscuous or easy per say, but if I dated a boy for any length of time I committed adultery. I even at one point, blah blah blah, moved in with one of them.

So for years, and years, did I say years? I mean YEARS satan held the shame and guilt and fear of those decisions over my head. God was calling "Let your sin go!" and I was hardening my heart.

So fast forward to age 33 and a little rental house dining room. I found my self in a marriage with confirmed adultery committed by my spouse and realized the sin I so tightly held on to was now "the speck in my brother's eye" and the rest of that verse is something about "the huge log in my own eye" (That's for you Grandma Clements... used to mess that up and she'd correct me... I miss you :).

So thankfully, by God's grace He was still pursuing me and I heard Him FINALLY. I feel on my knees (literally on my knees sobbing) and confessed with repentance and sincerity the sinful nature of my old self and prayed that God would be Lord of my life. He gave me that day freedom from that shame, oh satan tries to work his way back in with it sometimes but I can tell you there is true freedom in forgiveness. I am sinner and I am saved.

So I'm not sure if this makes any sense to anyone but me. I blog by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I just sit down and type. I don't even re-read it, just check the little red squiggle lines for spelling errors :)

If you are holding on to something God is hopefully still pursuing you and you here Him say (or maybe He is yelling) "Let your sin go!" I dare you to let it go. I double dog dare you.

What if it changed your life?

And the answer from me is always, HE has changed mine!

What if we knew the number of our days?

How would you live today different if you knew the end date? What if you knew how many years, months, days or breathes you had left? Would this whole life seem to vanish as you began to focus on the reality of eternity? I think I would. I know I would. So what if I just live like I do know the number? What if the end is just hours from now? Would I be more like Him? Would it be easier to live the fruits of the spirit... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control?

So there you go. What if it changed your life? An extra hug for the kiddos, no lame good bye kisses with your husband, spending 20 minutes to play with joy with your kids, turning off FB, cellphone games, etc. It starts today because the reality is we are all dying and we should live like that.

So what are you waiting for? What if it changed your life?

Fearful and Wonderful

So it's been a while. Today I ask

What if you believed you were fearfully and wonderfully made?"

The world lies (period). Satan lies (period).

Often in my life when I start to believe the small voice of self, I forget that the GREATER voice of God has spoken grace and truth to me. This forgetfulness leads me to seek self and to prove the world wrong. This desire to "show them" can lead me to anger, frustration and guilt. 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made (period). Spoken by God himself.

Standing on this truth daily, often moment by moment really does bring peace, John 14:27 PEACE. Not a false sense or feeling of satisfaction or happiness but peace in Christ.

What if we believed we were born for this? We were fearfully and wonderfully made? And that God is sovereign and man is responsible?

What if IT changed your life?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9IiSc5csa8