Give me Jesus

Interesting back and forth last night about kids and medication with one of  the ex's. She stated "Don't treat me like a kid" with the intention of saying your questioning my parenting decisions is questioning me. No,  questioning your decisions is that you should have been parents under one roof, sharing these decisions, discussing things like medication and schooling for your kids, but you are not. You now have perceived control because you have physical custody and expect no input from their father. He lost SOOOO much in the divorce. He lost the daily opportunity to interact with, guide, lead, support, encourage and love his kids (period), which he desires so greatly. You gained control (perceived control), which you desire so greatly.

So then up this morning reading the book of Numbers and then Psalm 90. Psalm 90 says "teach me to  number my days." Situations like the above can make your blood boil, if you let it. Situations like the above can make you angry, frustrated and upset for days about past and current decisions  if you let it. Situations like the above can steal your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control, if you let it. These things have no law against them... you can never be too (fill in the blank.) If our days our numbered I want them filled with the latter, not the former.

Then the song "Give me Jesus" by Jeremy Camp keeps playing in my head. I sit quietly to pray for the above situation, and situations to come and all I can hear is "give me Jesus, you can have all this world, just give me Jesus" In situations like the above, my response has to be "give me Jesus." The world wants to fight us for control of every situation. The world wants to build walls, put up facades and smile pretty to create the illusion of control.

My own divorce,and losing all the control I thought I had, taught me,  "Just give me Jesus" because when push comes to shove... you've never seen a hearse pulling a U-haul or fifth wheel travel trailer so all the family could go with them :) Everything we fight so hard to control, our lives, our kids lives, our ex'spouse's lives, whoever, whatever... just leads to frustration, anger, hatred, and loneliness.

When I gave my life and that control to Jesus, I realized He is all I need.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Dca0P7w9ZQ

What if giving it all to Jesus, you realized He was all you need? What if it changed your life?

"Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations."

I keep hearing the words of a song by Hillsong United called Mighty to Save. The first time I "heard" these words were sitting at  a four way stop in McAlester, OK, just days after finding out my then husband was having an affair with his coworker. As I sat at the stop sign, angry as I could ever be and not liking the angry that would just pop up and overcome me, I looked towards his office building. As my eyes saw R standing out front, the words of this song played "Everyone needs compassion..." I was immediately broken. Tears streamed by face and I asked God "Me? Really? I have to be the one to show your compassion?" The answer was obviously "YES!" and I decided at that moment that in spite of what had been "done to me" my response had to be one of compassion, of loving my "enemy" of relying on Christ to shine through me when satan so desperately wanted me to flee from the hope I had in Christ.

So fast forward, ummmmm, a few months shy of 5 years and I find myself with an ex husband AND an ex wife (as a friend once called her husband's ex wife "my exwife" and this is truth). And every time I want to be angry at what has been "done to me and the kids" I keep hearing this song in my head "Everyone needs compassion..." and again I find myself over the last 3 months or so asking God "Me? Really? I have to be the one to show your compassion?" and the answer is an obvious "YES!" I haven't decided quite so quickly that my response has to be one of compassion. I've held on to "justified" unforgiveness and anger that crops into my heart (not necessarily my actions... so that justifies my response right) with interactions with these people. Did I mention these interactions are often weekly or even potentially daily as decisions have to me made about visitation, sports schedules, schooling options?? So daily I have anger and not compassion.

This morning while reading His truth God pointed me to read: 

Luke 6:27-28 ²⁷ “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

Romans 12:9-14

⁹ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. ¹⁰ Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹ Do not be slothful in zeal,be fervent in spirit,^[a] serve the Lord. ¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ¹³ Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality 14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

Numbers 6:24-26

²⁴ “‘“The Lord bless you    and keep you;²⁵ the Lord make his face shine on you    and be gracious to you;²⁶ the Lord turn his face toward you    and give you peace.”’


So I am called to love my enemy, do good to those who hate me, bless those who curse me and pray for those who abuse me. This morning I make a decision to bless and not curse. It's hard, oh my it's hard. I'm going to memorize Numbers 6:24-26 so that when the frustration and anger begins to surface I can overcome it with God's truth. And in reality, I do want both of their lives to be blessed and not cursed as their lives involve my kiddos and one divorce is enough for kids. I do want their other parents to have successful  God centered, marriages that provide a stable, loving, God centered family for them and pray my own home is the same. 

So there you go... what if it changed your life? Praying and blessing instead of cursing and anger (as the world justifies we have the right to do and be)? I'm going to go out on a limb and ask "what if it changed your life? And answer myself before I even have much opportunity to act and say "He will in great and mighty ways!" God is faithful.

Hillsong United - Mighty to Save