Let's risk the ocean, there is only grace

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rmzT06xEJs&feature=related

So I haven't blogged in 18 months or so. Not that thoughts aren't in my head, just busy. Life.

Oddly today was day 2 back in a nursing home and I'm up squinting at my computer (no contacts in), eating a bowl of Kashi because I could have eaten my arm off at bedtime. Eating my cereal I kept hearing "Where You go, we will follow, oh God send me."

(Insert warning: this post may ramble all over the place)

So the lyrics to the above song kept echoing in my head. A friend's comment of never having to look back at my life and wish I had been a different kind of mom. A woman I randomly met who is dying from cancer. Looking at myself in the mirror this morning.

What the heck... told you I'd ramble.

So the lyrics to the song = awesome (period).

Never looking back and wishing I was a different kind of mom = Do my kids remember our time together more than what we did? Will they remember the simple things, lullabies at bedtime until they make me stop singing, tents built in the living room, hours of Littlest Pet Shop and Barbie, game nights, disgusting soup adventures? Do the quiet moments when I whisper goodnight and tuck them in mean more than the screams on The Titan at Six Flags? These questions I feel in my soul I know the answer too. Almost 7 1/2 years of mom experience under my belt and I can't say I wish I was a different kind of mom, so far so good :)

Meeting a random woman dying from cancer = Looking into the eyes of life, as they face death. Humbling, to put it humbly. Do all those little or big things above matter one single bit? Do the lullabies, goodnights, and Six Flags matter at all? Why am I here? What is my purpose?

Looking at myself in the mirror = Looking into the eyes of life, as they face death (yes a repeat of the above sentence). I stand in the mirror and see life. I do my best to live each moment deeply and fully. I also have come to realize I am facing death, each breathe is one closer to my end. What will my legacy be? What will my obituary say?  My prayer in life is in the end other says "Where HE went, she followed, Oh God sent her!" How humbling that thought is. My Lord, my Savior, using my life for His glory.

I pray that it can be said of me that  "when there is nothing left, let Your healing come... Where You go, I will follow.... Don't be afraid. Just set your sails and risk the ocean. Let's risk the ocean, there is only grace".

What if it changed your life?

Jesus simply told Peter, "Come." and Peter did. No excuses, no hesitation, no doing better first, he just went.

If you have faith...

as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the mountain "move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matt 17:20

This verse came into my mind last night at about 12:20 am. Mind you I RARELY wake up in the middle of the night. I am blessed that once I am asleep, I am asleep. However last night Reese woke up with a leg cramp (oh no growing pains!). I got up and gave her some Motrin and laid in her bed to rub her legs. She was miserable and crying and moving and just in pain. I was rubbing her calves and praying it would ease. Suddenly she leans over, gives me a big hug and says "Thank you God." I didn't say anything back and she said, "The cramp is gone, goodnight." She rolled over and went back to sleep. I on the other hand laid in her bed hearing those words "Thank you God" over and over. And I kept hearing Matthew 17:20 (mind you I had to look up the scripture reference but knew the verse).

So today I ask, why IF we claim to have faith (even faith only as small as  mustard seed) do we still fight God so hard? Why don't we let Him change our lives? From the lyrics of Rich Mullins why would "I rather fight You for something I don't really want, then take what You give and I need?"

Really just a rhetorical question I guess. Just on my mind this AM and felt the need to blog about it.

What if IT changed your life? What are we so afraid of?

The same old question

So why am I up blogging at almost midnight. Well several reasons but the biggest is driving home the few miles tonight after helping a friend out and reading 2 great books while I was there, I keep thinking "What if...." So there you go the same old question.

What if it DID change your life? What if the change was greater than anything you could ever imagine or dream of? What if the cost seemed great but you realized the reward was even greater? What if caused you to re think every action of every day and turn your focus upward instead of inward? How free would you be to live when you let go?

Keep thinking...

24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. 25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. 26 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:24-26).

Really what do you have to lose? When you wake up one day and realize life is really lived to the fullest when you let go of yourself, how can you still hold on? If brokenness is defined as coming to the end of oneself then what's there when you get to the end of you? What if it was God? What if it was Jesus' unconditional love?

What if it changed your life? Ask me about how it's changed mine.

Great night.

Peace

Peace.

Simple little 5 letter word has me blogging this AM. Up before 5 am, who'd have ever believed that! (and Mom it was without a fight and only one of the 4 alarms went off... yes I set four! LOL!!).

So what does peace mean? Wikipedia says "Inner peace (or peace of mind) refers to a state of being mentally and spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep oneself strong in the face of discord or stress. Being "at peace" is considered by many to be healthy homeostasis and the opposite of being stressed or anxious."

So let me make a list here, in the last 2 1/2 years I've:
1) Moved too many times to count usually with a pack the whole house and move more than 5 hours one direction
2) Returned to work after being a stay at home mom, only to be driving all over 3 counties and then jumped ship and took a huge guaranteed pay cut and really uncertainty in hours
3) Grew and then gave birth to my sweet little curly haired youngest daughter
4) Discovered my marriage voes were a lie, confronted my now ex husband about it, only to then ask him to man up with God or move out and 18 months later and divorce was final 6 months later
5)  I am now a single mom, with three jobs... I'm mom, dad and I have paid employment

Ok so I think those are the major stresses in my life. But the odd thing is I sit here with the truest, deepest peace I've ever known. I get Phil 4:7 when Paul says "And the peace of God, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING,..." There is only one explanation... I sit here with the Jesus Christ at the center of my life, acknowledging that He controls my future and when I seek Him, He promises to "prosper and not harm" me and to give me "hope and a future." So with my eyes fixed on how this story ends (I'm standing before my King, with the only acceptable representation Jesus Christ standing next to me and He knows my name!!!) I can get out of bed each day, face it head on, and have peace that even I can't explain.

And therefore I blog this AM about that simple 5 letter word. Peace is 100% crazy love (stole from Frances Chan), obedience and passion for our God. Peace that is indescribable comes through knowing Jesus Christ, knowing Him intimately, acknowledging Him daily with each breathe He gives.

My pastor challenges the church body to read His word individually and to know what it says for yourself. His challenge is 5 min a day for 7 days... let's just say I get up at 4:45 am now because I need and have a passion to be in His word for much longer than that. Anyway... I took that challenge late January 2010 really as a skeptic. I mean I knew God, I believed in Jesus but I had no idea of the life changing effect His living word would have in my life. Peace.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not LET your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (words spoken by Jesus).

So once again I close with "What if it changed your life?" But today I'll also ask... Do you know Him? Do you live each breath that He gives for Him? Do your actions, your thoughts, your attitudes, your service honor Him? If you know Him do you really acknowledge Him in your daily life? What if it changed your life?

And you could probably answer that for me without a closing but for those who might be reading this for the first time I'll answer with, "He (the Prince of Peace) has changed mine."

Courage is fear that has said its prayers. God

Randomly opened up my little "God Speaks Devotional" book this AM and that title was the page I opened up to. Then went to check on any updates on Kenna Emmons (my girl's 8 year old second cousin who has Combined Immune Deficiency and had a bone marrow transplant. She is not fighting graft versus host disease (GVH) and the road has been rough to say the least. Reading through some of her mom's updates I realized Kenna is the the face of courage that knows God and has said her prayers.

How many of you reading this sit today worried about your life and death physical health? Not many.

How many of you reading this sit today worried about what you'll eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner tonight? Not Many (Maybe it's not what you want but most certainly you'll have something to fill your stomach)

How many of you reading this sit today worried about protecting your family from the elements? Not many (because even if you lost the house you live in now, you'd go somewhere to a safe and secure shelter of some sort)

I guess my point in blogging this AM is this... we sit blessed beyond what we could ever even imagine but yet I'm not sure sometimes that what we often see as blessings don't also hinder our growth in Him. I think often the "comforts of this world" leave us too comfortable, too unwilling to step out in faith, with our fears wrapped in prayer, to really live this life.

I believe now is the time to start taking those steps. Read a little wall sign the other day and should go back and buy it to hang above my computer as a reminder it said "Faith: Start where you are and take the next step." Faith doesn't always have to be this giant leap into the depths of the unknown (though sometimes you might be called to do such a thing), sometimes it is simply being willing to take those small steps that in the end add up and put you right where God wants you. And when you wake up one day and realize you are resting with peace in His arms, you fill find that courage really is fear that's said it's prayers.

Go ahead... what do you have to lose? What if it changed your life?

And I think you know my answer :)

Be here, now!!

What if...

So this blog came about because of a ton of "What if" questions that would swirl around my mind as I was driving, any time I was alone actually. About the same time was reading a book recommended by a friend (Thanks S.M.) called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. I couldn't put it down. And I thought "What if it changed your life?" What if...

So this many months later I just finished rereading this book again. And I find myself in the dark of my sisters office on an old and slow IBM laptop asking "What if it changed your life?" I mean really. What if it did? What if we quiet holding on to the things of this world that mean absolutely nothing? That tomorrow could be gone? Heck forget about tomorrow what if they were gone 5 minutes from now? What am I talking about... I'm talking about 'things', possessions, fears, relationships, fill in the blank.

This entire blog has been a journey for me. I woke up one day both literally and figuratively and my eyes were wide open to the reality that "but if all that we do is absent of Jesus, then this so called love is simply in vain" (Mercy Me song BTW). Just recently heard that song but that was what was going through my head. What is this life about? Why are we here? What if we started living like eternity mattered? What if we started living like the "things" we collect on Earth is nothing compared to our rewards in heaven. What if we actually believed in our God who loves us so much he sent his son and that belief in turn motivated our actions and our daily lives?

I'm not saying that the things of this world are useless or all bad. I'm just saying what if instead of our focus being on those things, and our focus being trying to keep up with the Jones' and trying to impress people we don't even know, we really began living with a humble attempt at doing what Jesus says "Love the Lord God with all your heart.... and love your neighbor as yourself"?

What if we acknowledged our faults, quit trying to hide our sins, and showed the world through our lives that the love of God does really set us free, that a love so amazing we can't even begin to comprehend it? What if...

Ugh... could go on all night I think. I normally sleep great, bed heaven was by far in my life one of my best purchases of "things" ever :) (FYI... bed heaven is my name for the TemperPedic bed I bought with college graduation money... no fancy vacation for me, nope a new bed... hahaha!) However tonight I'm out of town and not in bed heaven. I'm thinking there is a big possibility that I'll toss and turn all night because this is on my mind and in my heart. Actually, I'll go to bed with peace. I will pray that those that read this will be moved, moved to live the life they are called to live in the SON! I will pray for God's peace that has been daily evident in my life in the last 2 1/2 years to allow me to sleep peacefully tonight. I want to change the world, I want to shake the world by it's collar and say "Jesus Saves!!"

But for now my audience is you, so I ask....

What if changed your life?

And once again I'll answer "HE has changed mine." HE is a living God. HE is the reason we have breathe, HE is the one I will stand before someday and give an account to. HE thankfully sent His Son to stand with me and HE knows my name.

Heard a youth pastor pray one night and he just said, "Passion or burn." I'm stealing that line tonight. My choice is passion and there is nothing that can stop it.

Focus

That title made me laugh. I am a very motor driven person and focus is sometimes difficult for me to achieve without some type of motor involvement. Therefore, when needing to sit and listen I am usually chewing gum, gummy candy or playing with my pen or some other type of hand fidget. In addition I must need lots of proprioceptive (joint compression) input because I'm always shifting in my chair, maybe it's the motor not the proprioception??

See what I mean... Focus is the topic and I cant' even get the first sentence typed without losing focus.

At a DivorceCare group tonight and reminded about Jesus walking on water (yes again)! In Matthew 14:22 and following the scene goes like this. Jesus walks on the water out to the boat. Peter almost challenges Jesus and says "If it's you Lord tell me to come." Well Jesus says just that, "Come." And Peter focused on Jesus begins to walk towards him. Then Peter loses focuses and the scripture says that as Peter began to sink he cried out "Lord save me!"

Got to thinking tonight and have been thinking about this actually for several months... why do we wait when Jesus says "Come." And then why when we lose focus are we so hesitant to just cry out "Lord save me!"??

Just where my brain is tonight.

So I ask, "What if it changed your life?"