http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rmzT06xEJs&feature=related
So I haven't blogged in 18 months or so. Not that thoughts aren't in my head, just busy. Life.
Oddly today was day 2 back in a nursing home and I'm up squinting at my computer (no contacts in), eating a bowl of Kashi because I could have eaten my arm off at bedtime. Eating my cereal I kept hearing "Where You go, we will follow, oh God send me."
(Insert warning: this post may ramble all over the place)
So the lyrics to the above song kept echoing in my head. A friend's comment of never having to look back at my life and wish I had been a different kind of mom. A woman I randomly met who is dying from cancer. Looking at myself in the mirror this morning.
What the heck... told you I'd ramble.
So the lyrics to the song = awesome (period).
Never looking back and wishing I was a different kind of mom = Do my kids remember our time together more than what we did? Will they remember the simple things, lullabies at bedtime until they make me stop singing, tents built in the living room, hours of Littlest Pet Shop and Barbie, game nights, disgusting soup adventures? Do the quiet moments when I whisper goodnight and tuck them in mean more than the screams on The Titan at Six Flags? These questions I feel in my soul I know the answer too. Almost 7 1/2 years of mom experience under my belt and I can't say I wish I was a different kind of mom, so far so good :)
Meeting a random woman dying from cancer = Looking into the eyes of life, as they face death. Humbling, to put it humbly. Do all those little or big things above matter one single bit? Do the lullabies, goodnights, and Six Flags matter at all? Why am I here? What is my purpose?
Looking at myself in the mirror = Looking into the eyes of life, as they face death (yes a repeat of the above sentence). I stand in the mirror and see life. I do my best to live each moment deeply and fully. I also have come to realize I am facing death, each breathe is one closer to my end. What will my legacy be? What will my obituary say? My prayer in life is in the end other says "Where HE went, she followed, Oh God sent her!" How humbling that thought is. My Lord, my Savior, using my life for His glory.
I pray that it can be said of me that "when there is nothing left, let Your healing come... Where You go, I will follow.... Don't be afraid. Just set your sails and risk the ocean. Let's risk the ocean, there is only grace".
What if it changed your life?
Jesus simply told Peter, "Come." and Peter did. No excuses, no hesitation, no doing better first, he just went.
