So I might be crazy...

Ok so I sometimes catch myself, Ok more often then not lately, thinking "Am I crazy?" or "This is totally crazy?" But man it is sooooo real. It is so intense I never want to go back. I never want to live the life I thought was fulfilling, satisfying. I've discovered in recent months what truly is fulfilling and satisfying and it IS totally crazy! Reading a book by Frances Chan called Crazy Love and it rocks!

Do I really want to live a life so safe, so comfortable, so not crazy that I miss out on what God has in store for me? So what if I risk it all and send a text or call a friend out of left field to just share with them the thoughts of my heart? So what if they think I'm crazy? BUT what if it was exactly what they needed to hear right then? What if I play it safe and keep my passion to myself? What good does it do me to spend my time and energy trying to cap it? What if I jump off the balance beam I've clutched for dear life one day before my King only to realize I played it safe? (See video below with Frances Chan on the balance beam).

Ugh... what if it change your life? What if we lived like eternity really does matter (and IMO it REALLY DOES!) instead of focused on what this world says matters? Does my hair color, my athletic abilities, the accomplishments of my kids, the car I drive, the money I've saved, etc. etc. really mean so much that we forsake the love of our God in order to live up to those standards.

I don't know about you and you can call me what you want but there is only one way and it's crazy, mad, bold love for my King. To steal a line from a friend "the kind of love that makes you do crazy things like jump on the couch (ala Tom Cruise)!!"

So humbly I ask, "What if IT changed your life?" Hmmm... it's changed mine!

Lee Ann Womack I hope you dance

Couldn't figure out if the last video was working right or not so posting it again :)

Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance

"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder..."

When was the last time you took the time to really sit in awe and wonder of the world around you. We go, go, go... this and that and this... everything has a timeline, deadline and expiration date. But what about the everyday miracles that we miss, that we ignore. What about a sun that rises each AM and is set just perfectly or the moon and the beauty of it's fullness in perfect timing with the sun? What about ever single living and breathing creature on this planet that each started from 2 teeny tiny single cells only to become a alligator, humming bird or human? (Not meaning they all came from the same 2 cells) What about the the awe and wonder of your child as they splash in their first rain puddle or learn to read their first words? Why are we so busy that we miss those moments, those opportunities to sit in awe of God's handy work? And how can if you've ever witnessed the birth of a child or heck a puppy or hamster for that matter can you deny God and His greatness?

Reading 3 books almost simultaneously lately (that's huge for someone who hasn't read a book since college??) and all three are talking about losing our sense of wonder. As our knowledge increases our sense of awe and wonder decreases. Why? Because we are consumed with "important" things... but when we take our last breathes what is left that is important. None of that at all. The only thing left of importance is that when we fall on our knees in awe and wonder at the greatness of a God we only saw in the beauty of His creation before, knows our name.

Bottom line. Does He know your name?

So as I always close "What if you took the time to marvel in His greatness and acknowledge the work of His hands?" How would you live differently if you viewed the world through eyes that acknowledge and marveled at everyday miracles?

Life is good, God IS better!

Random, random... am I ADD??

OK tonight's blog is going to be totally random thoughts so bear with me.

#1 - First why will we stay up super late to chat on the phone with a friend? Why will we wake up early to exercise or meet someone for coffee? Or sit on the couch and mindlessly watch a 2 hour movie? Yet when God speaks, if we hear Him, we stay "Sorry I'm just too busy." Seems like such a horrible way to respond to someone who is eager to give us soooo much! I've been that person and feel blessed to be doing my best to run fast from that lifestyle. Funny thing is it's not really living in my opinion.

#2 - Full moon on Monday July 26, 2010 - turn off the TV, take a snack and go out with your family and enjoy it. God puts it there every night without fail just for us!

#3 - Some might think I'm thinking "Dish Network how am I living without you?" But quite the contrary I'm thinking tonight "Dish Network how did I ever really live with you?" So maybe you don't ditch Dish or whatever all together but turn it off and live. You only get one shot at this.

#4 - Self doubt. Decided that has to be the biggest limiting factor in our lives. Along with it's best friends fear of failure and fear of success. I'm guilty (raising my hand) of it and have recently realized that when I fill my heart and mind with the truths of God's Word the self doubt goes away. God fills in the gaps and I can trust Him to catch me when I'm falling and be my strength and my way even when life seems impossible.

#5 - So "Be Here, Now" is Brennan Manning's first Mercy in "The Ragamuffin Gospel". That is the passion of my heart in the last month and a half. Looking back 6-8 weeks ago I'd have never imagined in my wildest dreams to be sitting in this place today, at peace with my life and so head over heals, crazy in love with my God. With such a passion and clarity in the purpose of my life... to share that with others. My God says "Come" and when I do each AM in quiet time and prayer, when I do driving down the road singing my heart out to Him in praise, when in the middle of the day a friend or someone I know pops into my head and I pray for them, when I tuck Kara in and just study her face by the light of her glow worm, He is there.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you.I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not LET your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

I have that peace tonight... "What if you seek Him and found He's waiting with a simple request "Come" and what if He changed your life?" I double dog dare you to try!

33 miles one life to love

Still kind of numb after hearing about Arlene's suicide a few days ago. Heard this song this AM and it really moved me to my core.

So listen to the song and today I ask "What if living like we actually believed that our purpose is really what the Bible stays in Matt 22:37-39?" What if we took all of the 'me' out of the equation and realized it really is all for His glory? What if...

Jesus replied, "'Love the the Lord God with ALL your heart, with ALL your soul and with ALL your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And teh second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."

A vapor in the wind...

So was going to call it an early bedtime last night at 9 pm. God has been pushing me all day to contact a friend to encourage him to keep writing about his story, his transformation in Christ BUT I kept resisting. I ddin't want to be a pest, didnt' want to be "weird." God can talk to him directly right... why does he need me involved? So I'm refusing and just going to go to sleep.

Literally as I got in bed my phone rang and a friend from East Texas was calling to let me know a friend from that area had died. A dear lady who from the outside appeared to have it all, but on the inside apparently had no hope no peace. I'm crying again at the thought of the young family she left behind and the hope and peace she could have found in Him. I don't really know what to write today but just to say be here, now! God really isn't waiting for us to have a better job, a better living situation, a better fill in the blank. He wants us on fire for Him now. The world is full of desperate and hurting people and He calls us to be "fishers of men."

Matthew 4:19 "Come follow me,' Jesus said, "And I will make you fishers of men."

Lord when our hearts are heavy and we don't understand Your plans for us give us strength and peace that surpasses all understanding. Give our hearts the will of Your heart, change us, transform us into who You would have us be.

So with a heavy heart and tears of sorrow today I ask "What if HE changed your life?" No really, "What if HE changed your life?" Or the life of a dear friend or family member through your witness?

Lukewarm vs. hot or cold

Just donig a short time on the Tread Climber this AM to get the blood pumping and thinking about what the boot camp lady said the other day. We sweat like crazy, get red faced, hot, heart pumping and I push myself to do things that when she first tells us I think "No way!" Then I push through and do it and think "Wow that was awesome."

So on the Tread Climber this AM was thinking that it almost isn't enough workout. Was just doing 15 minutes to stretch my legs and get going. Was thinking I need like 30 minutes on full power to give me that all out 'real' workout. The boot camp lady said one night something about people just wanting to go to the gym, get on the eliptical for 20 minutes at a medium pace, get off, wipe a little sweat from their brow, go home and call it done.

Are we not the same in our faith. God tells us you are saved by faith and so many of us (me included) eagerly accept that and proclaim to our churches "Today I accepted Christ." Then we go home, get back in to our routines and call it done. WHAT?? What a total slap in the face!

What if you were sick with say cancer because of a lifestyle choice. What if MY child had the cure for your sickness but MY child had to die to save you. What if I allowed MY child to die for you? And after all was said and done you just looked at me flippedly and said "Oh thanks for the cure" and went back to your old lifestyle. God says we will be made new in Him and we just raise our hands, maybe shed a few tears, and go home to the old life we've had.

Revelation 3:15-17 says (and it's Jesus talking): "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other. So, because you are lukewarm you are neither hot or cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Jesus wants us to choose... hot or cold but no more lukewarm.

So this AM I ask What if you stopped being comfortable, easy, lukewarm? What if the decision you made to be a believer in Christ set your life on fire, risking it all for His glory?

Francis Chan - Balance Beam

Reading Frances Chan's book "Crazy Love" and keep watching this video. He has a chapter in the book titled "Lukewarm Christian." Got me thinking. I know from God's word that I am not called to a life that is safe, that is marked by me clinging to the balance beam, only to one day stand before my God and jump off ready to be judged for what? I am thankful that God has used the last 2+ years of my life to open my eyes to that and thankful I was given breathe long enough to be able to learn that lesson. The only option is to be a totally sold out, on fire, crazy in love follower of Christ. Otherwise what's the point? He gave HIS ONLY SON for us and we give him safe, mundane, not risking, life?? Wow that just feels sooooo wrong to me.

So what stops us... fear, anxiety, concern about acceptance, desire for wordly things to name a few? To all that I say let it go. God who gave HIS ONLY SON wants us to give our lives. He wants us to give each breathe to praising Him and giving Him the glory for all we do on this Earth. It is such a short time and if there is no God then tell me, what's the point?

So what are you waiting for... What if IT changed your life?

Really, no really? God you want me to do what?!

OK more often than not lately I find that to be the question of my mind: "Really, no really? God you want me to do what?!"

While reading His word, while praying, while driving, while sitting at a Bible study, heck for that matter while taking a shower I find God speaking to me. And listening and obeying is more often than not totally crazy and in left field. But then time and time again when I do obey who ever else is involved reaffirms for me the situation and I know without a shadow of a doubt it is God working in my life and theirs. Sometimes the "tell them..." is really me needing to hear it for myself out loud so I tell someone else and light bulb goes on in me. Sometimes it's so random I think "This person is going to think I've lost my mind..." but then they say "I really need to hear that."

But I go to bed after hearing Romans 12:1-2 tonight comforted that I am seeking His will in my life.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind...." Romans 12:1-2

This body, this mind is not my own. Bought and paid for by the blood of Christ on the cross and that's something I don't take lightly. I can no longer live each day as if it doesn't matter as if who I am and what I do is pointless. I know at some point when I think "Really, no really? Did I just do that?" more than a someone (probably a "some alot") will think I've lost my mind and I'm too radical. Reminds me of a song "I'll become even more undignified than this!"



So my what if question tonight is "What if you started truly seeking Him? What if you started not always talking to or at God but sat still and listened more? And what if when you listened and heard His voice you actually followed through with things?"

What if IT changed your life?

Life is good, God IS better!!

A vapor in the wind...

Can't go to sleep. Been in bed heaven for a long time and can't stop thinking... "What if I don't wake up in the AM?" OK why am I thinking that you ask? I'm not worrying that I'm not going to wake up in the AM but I'm reading a book called "Crazy Love" by Frances Chan and chapter 2 talks about this. Something I've thought about and questioned for a few years now. What is the point of this life? It's such a short span and in 2 or three generations after you die, no one even remembers you?

So about 2 years ago I realized it's about preparing for eternity. The every day stress and almost mechanical routines we go through each day can become blah and too routine. Do we take the time each day to marvel at the work of His hands? Have you noticed the big white fluffy clouds lately? Have you sat for a few extra minutes tucking your kiddo in trying to memorize every detail of her face by the light of the glow worm? Have you lived with a passion for this life because you realize it is preparing you for eternity with God?

Tears are running down my cheeks as I type this in the dark with my glasses on so forgive any typos. I'll have to proof read it in the AM.

But did you get what I'm talking about? Do you understand that this moment, this very breath is all you get. There is no promise of tomorrow, no way to return to even 5 seconds ago and yet we live like our story is never ending. It does end here on Earth and what are we doing here to be prepared to meet our King? Are we living a life that glorifies His name with every action and with every ounce of our being, which is after all His gift to us, "life and life more abundantly"?

Dear friends I so sincerely and deeply pray that you get it. What if it changed your life started as a process for me to express what I'm learning as my faith grows and my reliance on God here on Earth grows. But what if it isn't about me? What if it is all about Him? Is my life here and now pointing towards Him? Do people I meet, strangers and friends, know the passion of my heart and know the love I have for my God?

What if I don't wake up tomorrow? Be here, now! Dear friends... be here, now! And in being here, now, embrace and hold tight to the truths that our God loves us and someday we will stand before His thrown and answer to all the charges of sin against us. I pray today dear friend that the blood of Christ that covers all our  sin will be what sets you free.

Jesus said, "Come" to which Peter would then step out in faith on to the water. Peter's faith would waver and he started to sink. Peter says, "Lord save me."

Through the tears I ask "What if IT changed your life?"

"Come."

Was reading at lunch today and realized that was all Jesus said to Peter when he was out on the water and asking Peter to have faith, walk on the water and come to him. Jesus didn't say "Well Peter when you get your act together, when life makes more sense, when you have more money, when you have more time, when you are happier, when you meet your own standards or the standards of this world, etc, etc THEN come on out here!" No Jesus simply said "Come."

Are we that obedient? If not why? So what holds you back? He wants us here and He wants us now. "Come." And when life gets crazy and our faith wavers and He seems so far away it's as simple as "Lord save me."

Again I ask... what if IT changed your life?

Hillsong - From The Inside Out Lyrics

Woke up this in my head "And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise, from the inside out out oh my soul cries out!" Awesome song!

Also reminds me of when Jesue walked on water. Everyone seems to know that Jesus said "Oh you of little faith" but what speaks to me in that story is Peter's reply when he beings to sink. We will all beghin to sink at some point in our lives, even daily throught a single day, a single hour. But Peter doesn't try to treadwater, he doesn't call for the other disciples to throw a life vest, he doesn't start searchign for how to swim to shore, he doesnt' start thinking about how to build his own boat, he doesn't give up and just go under BUT it is written in Matthew 14:30 that he says "beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord save me!"

"Lord save me!"... I'm learning that at the moment that I begin to sink, not after I'm arelady underwater and my lungs are filling with water but from the start of my day to cry out like Peter "Lord save me!" and He is faithful.

What if IT changed your life? IT has changed mine :)

On and On Tenth Avenue North

Really listen to these lyrics... powerful and beautiful!

All Along - Remedy Drive [LYRICS]

This song is awesome! And just for the record on my previous post I did miss a few curfews and my mom was usually sitting up on the couch waiting for me with that look of "glad you are home safe." But I have never been drunk, yes that is true. Long story for another day about being in control of my body and what happens to me. And I've never been beat up (though if you meet me in a dark alley wiht a sword watch out... I rock Wii sword fighting, LOL!!), it's just not in my nature to fight. I'm the middle child peace keeper :)

Bad dreams....

I had a bed guest last night as Reese came stumbling in my room crying "Mommy, Mommy I had a bad dream." She didn't hesitate. She didn't stumble around the house in the dark looking for where I might be. She knew I was in my room, in my bed and she came straight to me. She cried my name as she walked so that I might hear her on the way. Now being that I sleep in bed heaven I only heard her when she was at my doorway but I sat up in bed and when she got to the edge of the bed I held out my arms and hugged her. I snuggled her into my bed and laid there with my arms wrapped around her. I didn't question her about the bad dream. I didn't scold her for having a bad dream. I didn't tell her to go back and face it alone and once she wasn't afraid anymore to come back then. I didn't tell her to stop crying and "man up" and deal with it. I simply extended to her the love I have for my child without condition without hesitation.

So at 3 am when I woke up to find myself still holding her asleep I realized she needed to go back to her room. I picked her up and walked her back to her room. As I came back to my bed I realized that's it. That is the metaphor of Christ's love for us.

He says just come as we are when our "dreams are good, when our dreams are bad" just come crying "Abba Father" and He is there. No questions he just holds us and loves us. No need to measure up to some preconceived notion we have of ourselves before we can go to Him. He just wants us right now, right in the middle of the bad dreams when we are weak and alone He wants to hold us as His child. He wants to wrap His arms around us and for us to never struggle to get away. He wants us to find rest in Him.

Think about it. Even as Reese gets older what if she'd been out too late, broke her curfew and comes home drunk and beat up (which will probably NEVER happen if you know Reese :), but I'm just saying. As she stumbles in the door as I sit up on the couch waiting for her (thanks Mom :). She's broken major house rules. She's disappointed me. She needs correction and guidance BUT my first response will be a sigh of relief that  she's home safely. That in spite of her circumstance she came home. She came back to me. I will open my arms and hold her. My love will overshadow her need to be corrected and judged at that moment, I will just be glad she is safe and sound. We may talk about thing the choices she made and the consequences of her actions in the AM but at that moment my love will abound.

The last month or so the story of the Prodigal Son keeps being a repeated part of my Bible reading and my thoughts. It's in Luke chapter 15:11-32. The line that keeps repeating in my head is verse 20 "... but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son and threw his arms around him."

That's it. That simple. That basic. Confess with your lips and believe in her your heart that Jesus Christ is the risen savior, crucified, risen and coming again as it is written. And then run to Him without shame, fear, apprehension, without trying to live up to some worldly standard... He awaits to pour out His love and grace.

He says "Come to me all who are week and burdened, and I will live you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 111:28

What if "I will dance, I will sing, I'll be mad for MY King!" became your lifestyle. What might you experience surrounded by His love and grace that you've never known before?

Again I double dog dare you to try. What if IT changed your life?

A quote...

Saw this quote and it goes along with my last post.

“Every man must do two things alone; he must do his own believing and his own dying.” Martin Luther

"THIS is the day..."

Yesterday was without a shadow of a doubt the most humbling moment in my life. Even more so than the day either of my children were born and that says a lot. Being a mom and knowing that God started with 2 single cells and then you physically grew and birthed another human being is pretty awe inspiring. But it was something yesterday with His timing of it all. My life the last couple of years I've really felt a need to "live now" and get frustrated with thinking "Am I the only person who gets this?" Life gets so busy, so full of this and that and the other. But at the end of the day, at the end of your life the ONLY thing left that matters is IF you know Jesus Christ as your personal savior, period. And by His grace we are all free to accept this offer.

So yesterday as I sat with a man who was literally taking his last breaths and prayed a short prayer that he did know God and that He was going to find His peace, I was smacked over the head once again with this truth. The details of life can be fun, especially when they are pursued according to His will for our lives, and sometimes the details aren't so fun. I read in an e-mail the other day something like "Trial in our lives our not God testing OUR faithfulness BUT God proving HIS faithfulness." That simple statement changes your perspective and "What if IT changed your life?"

I dare you to try. Heck I double dog dare you! Start today with a short prayer asking Jesus to be your personal savior and humbling yourself before Him. Ask Him to make you whole and new in Him. Then open His Word and read 5 minutes a day. If you do it with a sincere heart then the only thing it can do is change your life.

Again I double dog dare you to try... what if IT changed your life?

Fear Not...

Hmm... deep thinking this AM and I'll apologize in advance I'm typing this legally blind (no contacts or glasses) but feel the need to get it written but also have to be getting in the shower soon. So excuse the typos. A friend recently told me "it's in the eyes" when talkign about looking your self in the mirror and getting real with yourself and God. I agree, mostly. God searches a man deeper than what can be seen and our eyes are limited. It's about what's in your heart. If you carry around bitterness, anger, frustration, guilt, self doubt or any other host of the many feelings we have as humands, even the smallest seed of the above, it is what you will reap. Ok know of us are prefect but I've found in the last 6 months to 2 years that filling my heart with God's word and His promises smoothers out the seeds of anything else that migth consume my heart. I can rationalize and down play anything that creeps into my head and I can lie to my own eyes but my heart speaks the truth. The time is NOW to make the change. |

No fears, no regrets it's an all out love affair with my King. No more fear of rejection, no more fear of acceptance, no more fear of failure, no more fear of succeeding, no fear of lonliness,... used to have a hat in the late 80s early 90s that said "Fear Not..." instead of the popular "No fear." THeres a difference there "Fear not" to me means it may creep in but I won't fear it. "No fear" means it won't be there. I'm human so the fears will be there so saying "no fear" would be a lie of my mind. Then when the above creep in I'd feel more defeated in my heart. So today I say "Fear not..." for my God is in control and my heart is focused on him. When I struggle and my mind and my eyes want to convince me of different then I'll turn ot His word and fellowship of great friends who I believe God sends to help us keep our focus.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Coem to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy adn my burden light."

So what is the "IT"?

Ack I might be becoming a runner?? OK maybe a light jogger but still nothing I ever expected. Had an opportunity to hit the pavement this AM because the girls are with their dad. So I did with my MP3 player loaded (yes I'm that old school... no iPod!).

This weekend has been a huge time of growth and understanding for me. I realized while I was running that the "IT" in my "what if it changed your life?" is God's grace, a love He freely gives us that we don't deserve. The "IT" of his grace changes everything if we are willing to accept it, and run with it (pun intended :). He wants us to not wait to be perfect, He wants us to come with all our fears and insecurities and He will change our lives. Lyrics from my run this AM "I want to be like my Jesus" and "I'll become even more undignified than this." It's not about the things of this world. It's about the life He gives me to glorify Him and to share His love with others, to share it with the breathe He gives me. No holding back. I don't want to live another moment of mundane missing the magnitude of the grace He gives!

So I ask "What if HE changed your life?" Keep hearing "those who lose their life will find it!" At a moment in my life when to the world it would appear that I just "lost it all" I most certainly site here this AM and would argue with you that no my friend, "I have found it!"

Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) by Chris Tomlin With Lyrics

Hae listened to this song a million times in the last 12 hours if not more! Really listen to and read the words. Thank you God for your grace and for your promises!!

What if you quite letting your past define your future?

Tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
—Romans 5:3-4

So had a busy, busy few weeks. Then the girls went with their dad last night and I was pissed. Not at him, but at myself for not being able to protect them when they are gone. You see much of my life I have struggled with "who will protect me?" My own dad was in/out and my early relationships and even in my marriage no one seemed to be protecting Alisa. Seemed is the key word. In the last 12 hours or so I've realized that the times when I felt no one there, He was, God was, is and always will be. Then got up this AM and had this e-mail from Our Daily Bread (thanks Grandma Clements for being so faithful daily to read your Word and Our Daily Bread... see you again someday!!) with the bers abobe from Romans.

Late last night it hit me. The trials I faced as a young teenager and in the last 22 years so hae put me in the perfect place, with the best experience possible to now pray for, encourage and protect my own two beautiful girls. I know from first hand experience the road of disappointment, discouragement and trying to find that human someone who would protect me! Do I believe that someday I might find someone who is capable of being what my own earthly dad, early relationships and marriage was not... honest, dependable, trustworthy, and protector... yes His name is Abba Father and I've found Him!! I also believe His word and hae hope that someday I'll meet someone to share this trip around the world with who is at least willing to try his best to be those things for me. Tall order maybe but with God all things are possible. And if not God is eerything and enough.

I slept peacefully last night and woke up this AM with a peace that I've not had in 22 years. A peace about my past, of letting go of bitterness and anger at people in my life and at God for "letting it happen." Now I can see that if I'd never walked this same road then how would I so clearly see how to protect and coer my girls in prayer? How would I hae the faith I do today to be strong for them to be an example for them? How would I be able to help them realize everyone on this Earth will be at some time disappointing, discouraging and untrustworthy BUT God never will be!

That's it this AM. Thanks to a dear friend for insight last night and being bold in the faith and willing to put the truth out there and encourage me to stand in His peace instead of the way the world says I should respond.

So today I am free... free from letting my past define my future. What about you?